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He knows that ss are out of the picture, apparently they lied. He didn’t say the thing’s written in the report.
Well I thought I would relax have a glass or two. If you’ve read anything I have posted it’s that I don’t drink often as it puts me in a vulnerable position. Well there you go.
Apparently I’ve spoken out of term. I have cooked his dinner, got kids on half term, taken them out each day so far. I’ve been feeling quite poorly.
He asked me to do something for him while I was out but I focused on kids. He did not believe I gif not have time to do this job. Why should I explain myself to him? He didn’t like my reasoning and therefore I am out of order and spoken out of term. As was (detail removed by Moderator) when I told him he was undermining me with kids and so it goes on.
The assessment from ss says he’s abusive I know he is I’m such an idiot for living in lala labd ghinking it’s ok it will pass. He’s not good looking, he’s not particularly intelligent and everyone used to say I could do better. So what am I doing? I need to give myself a good talking to.
But when you’re told you are rude, you believe it. You the. Think if when I’m relaxed with you and I’m out of order am I like that with everyone? Is that why my social circle is now do minute. Is that why I don’t have a job. It’s me? I know it’s not but it’s hard to believe that it’s not.
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Gosh it’s a rollercoaster
I’ve just calmed myself down and pulled myself back together
Absolute high for the most part recently so perfectly happy and then i don’t feel so good, that’s when you see how cold and unloving he is, or is it a man thing?
Asked how can he ignore me when I’m unwell or struggling he gets mad, I’m shocked but not shocked. I know he’s trying to tread carefully he doesn’t want to rock the boat just now. He says he’s (detail removed by moderator) and has turned all this back on me.
Reading this back I sound so unhinged, Things have been so good I’m wondering why I ever posted on here in the first place?
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I don’t know but this sounds like the cycle of abuse….. before I left I used to write things in a diary when things were horrible and then when things were good again I’d re read how I felt and rip it up because I would feel so embarrassed. I would think how could I ever have thought he was like that? He is the love of my life, such a good man and if he ever found what I’d written he’d be horrified. I would blame myself and think I was overreacting. Until the next time…
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I do the same thing it used to be more obvious and when I read back what I wrote I could see it.
Just lately he is nicer so and when he’s not nice it’s not as bad as before so I feel like I’m making a fuss, overreacting and possibly irrational.
He tells others my emotions are the problem in our marriage.
I’m in touch with a support workers and not the first time. Each time I reach out I feel like I’m wasting their time.
Others have such terrible experiences and I’m not that bad.
Hope life is good for you now you are free.
CB x
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I think the problem when you’re in the relationship still is that you just can’t see the wood for the trees so to speak. With separation and distance you would still doubt yourself (I do), but it helps bring clarity as you’re away from the better times which cloud our judgement.
I would love to say my life is much better now – I’m not long out and honestly it isn’t at the moment. I am better in myself than I have been in a long time and me and my children are safe but after the initial adrenaline you have which gets you through goes the reality of it all hits and it’s hard. That said I trust and believe that I and my children will be infinitely better off in the future. It just takes time
We women have an amazing inbuilt ability to forget pain (think of childbirth!), which I think is why we let these men abuse us again and again and why we say it’s not “that bad”
From what I hear from your words, you DO have it bad and are minimising his behaviour and blaming yourself. You have to be ready to leave but from what I’ve experienced and everything I’ve read on here and in books a leopard doesn’t change its spots X
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