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I went out last night a planned night which I arranged months ago. I rarely go out due to his control but I was adamant I was going to this. Since (detail removed by moderator) when I really realised I was going he refused to talk to me I ignored it. The (detail removed by moderator) came and he kept calling me to argue asking over and over if I was still going I said yes I was not letting him win like I always do.
He made my entire day total hell I dropped the kids to moms and left he kept sending me nasty msgs and when I tried to respond blocked me on everything msgs etc.
Then this morning when I got up he got up and came down and started to have this massive rant (detail removed by moderator) He went on and on I had just woke up. In the end I just said look it’s my life if you can’t let me live my life you need to leave please go because I’ve had enough and I’m so drained.
I said nobody treats me this badly I do not care if I’m single forever.
He ssaid he was moving out so I just left it then I went back to bed and he woke me and said he was really sorry and crying like a toddler begging my forgiveness and that he won’t do it anymore and will change.
I just said well you have to change because I cannot live this way I need to live. He said he’s jealous and has problems and doesn’t know why and was holding on to me like a baby it was weird.
I said it was ok for a quiet life and went to sleep. I know he won’t change and it’s not the last time at all. Has anyone else had this where they cry and act like this it’s odd I find it so weird -
It’s a manipulation technique. I got it a lot in my last few weeks with my abuser. For him it was a last resort guilt trip, when he realised that I wasn’t standing for his other tricks. I would be looking at your escape options. Not being allowed to go out dancing with girlfriends is no way to live. Nor is having to deal with toddler like tantrums from full grown men.
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Just find the whole thing how he switches from being vile to crying pretty off and he looked like he had not slept the whole night when he got up and really stressed and just no need for it at all. Like his face was strained but why I was not doing one thing wrong or give any reason for no trust .
I know he won’t change I think he’s got wires ands worse -
Oh yes, my oh is doing this too, the whole works,sobbing like a baby,snot running everything.its all manipulation, this is just another way for him to get power and control of you. How did you feel when you thought it was over. I always feel free, a sense of thank God finally I can move on. They are toddlers in a man’s body and man size tantrums are scary. I told my oh that no amount of crying and begging will get me to change my mind. Already left, but can’t break the final ties. It’s like a child screaming for something and mum’s adamant that they’re not getting it. 2 hours go by, finally mum gives in because she can’t continue this battle. What the child has learnt is that if they scream and cry and create a hullabaloo they’ll get what they want in the end. These men are the exact same and I’m sorry but I dont have the energy or inclination to retrain them.
IWMB 💞💞 -
Yes it’s to gain your sympathy and move the spotlight from his behaviour.My ex would sexually assault me then when I told him I was leaving he would cry like a baby. Oscar winning performance and I would end up comforting him. Moving away from the fact he had sexually assaulted me. Ignore the crying and concentrate on the days of dreadful attempts at manipulation. The next time you want a night out you will remember the horrible behaviour it brings and won’t go. This is his goal. To isolate you from friends. To make you feel bad when you go out. Accusing you of things he knows didn’t happen is fishing. He’s hoping to catch you out. The thing is that if he’s accusing you of something, there’s a very good chance he’s doing it so be aware. My ex was accusing me of cheating and he was doing it. Accusing me of stealing money and he was doing it.
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My oh does this. Seems scary seeing it written down. He accused me of seeing my boss on the day I found out a close friend had died so when I told him I was done, he sobbed so much and I fell soft. Mine is accusing our youngest of stealing though. I have started hiding my purse because I know money has gone but I actually think it’s him.
Fully expecting a meltdown these next few days because I am going out with my sister tomorrow who he hates. But it won’t be that he kicks off at but something else but I know it’s really because I disobeyed him about seeing her.
It’s never his fault, if only I had done this or that. Weird how once you start to do the research and see how they manage life the patterns appear. It’s like they all have the same script.
Do they all turn violent though?-
Hey Catjam my oh did that too. Found out it was him after all. 😏 the possibility to turn violent should never be underestimated. If there’s been any form of physical abuse, nipping,poking,twisting arms, pointing fingers in your face, towering above you totally intimidating you, mine had a habit of stretching his legs out so I had to walk around him then at the last minute he’d stick them out further jyst enough fir my feet to scuff against his, and then accuse me of kicking him!!
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Yes I felt ok when he said he was leaving but I know he won’t he’s been saying it for two weeks he just couldn’t bear the fact I had gone and he didn’t want me to go.
I think he has cheated on me in the past but he can’t be doing anything now because he’s with me 24.7 I can’t breath.
I think the crying is the manipulation I can’t understand it and he was holding onto me like I was his saviour or Something.
I feel for you today about going out with your sister why doesn’t he like her ? What does she think about him ? Is it because he knows she knows who is he ?
Mine doesn’t like anyone he thinks is onto him and has seen the mask slip he’s generally ok with my mom and sister but hates my brothers.
Just wish he did just go because that isn’t over he will do it again and again. I’m allowed out with the kids like family time and days out but I’m not allowed out at night time it’s no way to live. I have zero trust in anything he says or does anymore he switches so easily it’s frightening -
As for physical he never marks me my face he’s punched me in the leg before after I said something he didn’t like so he hit me . Then when he rows on me he throws pillows at my face angrily.
Yesterday he said I won’t be nasty anymore we love each other so I will stop being nasty I don’t know why I’m so nasty etc. He won’t stop they can’t stop. -
i am not allowed out with friends to bars, clubs or even to a resturant. He says it is a ‘rule’ he also says if one of us (and really he means me because he has been out with friends, but i don’t stop him, why would i? He is allowed to have a life oh and i am not an abuser) go out and there is booze there it will lead to temptation and soneone will cheat. What a load of rubbish!! He actually comes out with this stuff! When i did mention going out with my work friends i ended up with his hands around my neck screaming at me but it was all my fault because i pushed his buttons, that was so scary when i got away from him he pushed me back into the living room and tried tondo it again. Like you i am allowed to go out on my own with our son and shopping but thats it. I can now freely travle to (detail removed by moderator) to see my parents twice a year with son but my goodness what a drama that used to caused, funny hiw he is ok woth that…ofncourse i am not allowed to go out out when i am there.
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This is ownership. So the crying is just a performance to make you back down. Their thinking is I own you so how dare you go out and make yourself available to other people most likely other men. They disguise owner ship with the emotion off jealousy it’s not it’s rage. They’ll punish you by starting s fight before you go out then the big text off. My ex would have our young daughter call me saying mummy come home. He wouldn’t feed her and I’d come home to her bed wet and she was hungry.then I felt the neglectful parent?? I stopped going out off course he got his way. Now I know and I couldn’t fathom at the time owner ship isn’t love or jealousy it’s a warped way that they see you xx I felt like a slave xx
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He doesn’t like my sister because she has never liked him. I also stopped going out and reduced contact with my sister but then I found out she had a cancer scare and gone through all the tests on her own. I felt terrible I couldn’t be there for her luckily it was nothing serious. But it gave me the kick I needed so while making time for her causes problems and gives me a lot of anxiety it’s worth it.
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I’m free now and I can’t believe I used to live this way. We become overwhelmed with dealing with their behaviour we don’t realise how bad it is. How it restricts our happiness and sense of self. I really can’t believe I used to live that way. The controlling behaviour. He didn’t want me going out because he was going out and cheating and assumed that i would too. It’s dysfunctional and before you know it you’ve wasted decades of your own life, missed out on s many opportunities just to satisfy an abusing controlling man who never loved you in the first place. I spend quality time with my family and friends, my elderly parents. Fulfilling relationships without worrying about the consequences. Good riddance to bad rubbish x
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Amen to that Kip. Good riddance to bad rubbish💞 they are jealous pure and simple. Their values are so skewed they think everyone thinks and acts as they do. I’m done with all that s..t now. He even has the gall to say when I go back, he’ll never stop me going out again. But I know it would be claustrophobic, feel I’m suffocating with the little contact I have with him, why the f..k would I go back for it to worsen over time, and it would I know it would. A man like that can’t accept a strong woman, will have to punish at some point fir you having the audacity to leave him,stand up to him. Doesn’t matter that he’s saying he won’t,
Stay strong ladies,we can do this.
IWMB 💞💞
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