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It’s (detail removed by Moderator) & I’ve come home (detail removed by Moderator) it’s left me feeling confused as to his motives, genuine concern for me or more manipulation?
He tried to get me to call him last week by (detail removed by Moderator) could I call him (I didn’t) so it didn’t get him anywhere. is this another tactic? And there was no mention of (detail removed by Moderator) in the card he pushed through my door tonight? I’ve also asked him not to come to my house or leave me notes etc. As you know from my previous posts we’ve been estranged for several years now. It’s messed with my head X
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This is blatant manipulation. He must keep a record (detail removed by Moderator) so that he can try to use your emotions on these occasions to get to you.
There does not sound anything genuine about this.
He just tries different tactics. Your friends sound correct with their advice.
You need to totally block this man. If you have made it clear he should not contact you then this ongoing contact is harassment.
(Detail removed by Moderator) If you respond then you fuel him and encourage him to continue.
You need to keep strong, see this for what it is, otherwise you will never be free from this harassment. -
Hi Marmalade. I have blocked him & he knows I don’t want him to contact me or come to my house. We were together for a long time. I won’t respond to it & I didn’t last week when he tried to get me to respond through my sister. I just feel very sad and upset about the whole situation & how my marriage has turned out. It’s hard for me not to feel sorry for him at times (even though he doesn’t deserve it) it feels like he’s the victim now. (detail removed by Moderator). I think I felt confused as I wasn’t sure if it was genuine thoughtfulness & care for me or a tactic & opportunity to try and get contact. Either way he knows that I don’t want contact with him, so why do I feel sad and upset? I wish I could feel angry 😞
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It’s very hard. These men know how to pull on the heartstrings to try to get what they want. You are being very strong. Hopefully he will stop in time if there is no response. Good luck.
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Hi Sparklewand
I can understand your confusion. For many people, this sort of gesture would come from genuine compassion. If you are a compassionate person yourself then it is natural that you might consider it a genuine gesture.
For abusers to behave the way they do, they must, intrinsically, lack compassion and empathy. Otherwise they would never be able to hurt others as they they do.
This, therefore, will not be a genuine or empathic gesture. It’s simply bait to try and reel you back in.
It is worrying that he’s trying to contact you again after all this time. Please alert the police if you feel able to do so and speak to your local dv charity to get help with a safety plan if he turns up on your doorstep expecting you to engage with him.
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Hi eggshells, we’ve been stuck in this merry go round for (detail removed by Moderator) years now. I have told him I want to contact & he does things like this or claims a family drama/illness. I wasn’t in when he came round but when I got on the card was through my door. It just leaves me feeling confused & sad because part of me wonder if he’s being genuine x
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I had him turning up unwanted and unannounced. It was unsafe and just lead to more abuse. They appear not to change and it’s best to have little to no contact
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Hi sparkle wand. My ex used to turn up uninvited I’d had him on one knee asking for marriage. Excuses to bring items back I left…. but sometimes he would say “he needs to do another doorstep visit as I’m clearly mot listening to him. Less contact the better xx
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Icandothis, I can relate as my ex tells me he turns up out of desperation to see me & he loves me/won’t give up on our marriage & has changed. He also says how bad his long-standing mental health is & he’s physically unwell. I end up feeling sad, guilty & responsible (even though rationally I know I’m not).
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When I was a child my mum had a boyfriend. The tobacco pouch man. He always left stuff in our house so he could come back again later to pick it up. They can’t just be normal they have to be intimidating. Surround yourself with people who aren’t controlling. It takes your mind off it and you can have some peace and fun.
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Yes he said that to me because he loved me and needed to talk….but towards the end he stopped doing it probably he knew I’d worked him out…. or a new person on the scene either ways I couldn’t cope with him any longer xx
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My ex uses to bombard me with photos of his son who had special needs he did this when I wanted to leave him.. he used to tell me to treasure it… I didn’t see that much of his son anyway.i always found it odd towards thr end he suddenly stopped the house calls x
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I am sorry this is happening. You have found yourself a home and he has found it and now approaching it. Giving you notes and disturbing your peace.
I have had this happen. Once in joint address. Once at another address but I left immediately.He just kept coming and coming. Never leaving me alone. It’s horrible feeling.
You need evidence. Please take photos etc of notes and attempts to get in.
Please get expert help on this from dv counsellor. Also consider moving and seeing dv counsellor on tactics to keep him from finding location.
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