He's calling the shots

[Firefly]

He is dictating everything to do with the divorce. He is apparently moving back in in a few months. How can I stop this?
He wants to know if am claiming benefits but didn’t think I could as finances still joint although he has moved out for a short while. Who do I contact to find out?

[Twisted Sister]

Dear Firefly

It sounds like he is working on legal advice, and possibly he can live in his property, if he part owns/leases it, Afaik.

If you call Rights of Women I am sure they could give you the answer to this and what steps are available to you now, as its a legal issue.

I am hoping there must be some way you can register your fear of harm if he was to do that.

As you are now separated he has no right to ask your personal circumstances.

He sounds controlling, please know you are no longer friends and let that dictate to you the lack of involvement with him, to go no contact.

Your relationship is over from what you’ve said, but you said he’s only away for a short time, is that because he left on the basis it was a short term thing, or has he just decided now that he will come back?

He might well have thought you wouldn’t cope without him, and is now wondering how on earth you are managing and wil simply come back as you’re not at deaths door, so his punishment of you by leave hasn’t worked, perhaps?

With the benefits thing he might think he can report you if you were claiming.

You can go online and do the benefits calculator on direct.gov

You are separate so need to have your own account and be financially independent of him.

Do keep posting if it wll help further and good luck with getting through to RoW.

Warmest wishes ts

[fizzylem]

Yeah, sounds like he has been hoping you will be struggling financially without him, that he thinks you must be getting money from elsewhere.

You need some legal advice to establish what your rights and his are hey. However, the agreement you have between one another atm is that he stays away. I would call the police if he comes round, you won’t regret this later, as this will be evidence you can use. I really wish I had done this at the time now, never thought it would get as bad as it did at that time – this was a huge error on my part. If you call the police it also sends a very clear message that you won’t engage with him, sometimes police involement can be enough to make it stop.

If possible, ask around, see if you can get a recommendation for a good family law firm. Don’t worry about cost right now, it may be you can get legal aid, when the time is right you can decide whether or not you wish to proceed with a particular solicitor; you’re just making enquiries for now so this will cost nothing. You will probably find you’ll get some legal advice simply by calling and talking it through in this initial consultation – which will cost nothing. FL.x

[Author]

Posts