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So it’s been about 4 months since I have last been on here and my life has changed dramatically for the better. Me and my children have our little lovely house, I have a new job, new hair colour, new car!! I left (detail removed by moderator), but it’s all so painful still, seeing his face angry, seeing his face so full of ‘love’ working out in my head what was real, what wasn’t…. and stupidly I FB stalked him to have a look at what he was up to, I knew he probably would not go into lockdown alone, but it still hit me like a train and took my breath to see him as in a new relationship and all happy pics of them on her profile (he is blocked on mine so me and a friend snooped using hers)…. what I am trying to ask or plead for help and advice is- is he happy now? Will he change for will he be abusive to her? Maybe it was just me who triggered him. The pain is intense to see him just living life all merrily without a thought to the pain he inflicted on us, despite begging me to return after I had left for (detail removed by moderator) until I completely blocked and changed my number. The pain in my heart is immense. Plus she is so pretty, and there are pics of them half naked in bed. Like who does that!!!! Please tell me he is not living some happy dream.
I am also in contact with his teenage sons still (not mine) who have no wish to ever speak to him again, the abuse he put them through also was terrible. They had no idea he had a new GF, hes never bothered to even try to make amends to them for what he has done. 😢
Lots of love to you all,
FL x*x -
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Hello FL, yes it’s been a while. I replied to you on another thread earlier on. Yes well FB, we all know people’s lives on there are full of s..t. people only post what they want others to see. Even if you got back together, the way I see things(this is how I react, you might be different) is you’d still react to how he speaks or doesn’t speak. Deep trauma runs so very deep,it imprints on to our psyche. So we’ve learned to react to certain situations and stimuli and will continue to do so even after the source of the trauma is gone. He may look like they’re the best thing since romeo and juliet, weren’t you like that in the beginning with him? He may have learned how not to treat women but I very very much doubt that. Dont torture yourself with following him on FB. Do you really want someone back who has no relationship with his own children?
You’ve got this, you can get stronger again, it’s only a wee blip.
We’re always here fir each other. Keep posting sweetheart
IWMB 💞💞-
IWMB!! Hello! How lovely to see your username again and hear from you, thankyou. God this is horrible it’s at the point now where I have settled and come to a calm place then stupidly I go and do that and all the repressed feelings and trauma comes forth like a hellish nightmare. I keep having images of them in bed happily laughing together. Laughing at me, shes thinking how lucky she is, when in fact she is with a man who is Jekyll and Hyde and will torment her and abuse her. It hurts to think he may have changed but he couldn’t do that for me. Or even for his poor ex wife before me, or for his own children… I have visions of him in my head, it hurts terribly. I want to forgive and forget and not care, but I just feel so much sadness and anger that he is carrying on with life without me, that I clearly meant absolutely nothing. Its hurts so so much. I feel so sad. I hope he is suffering, I know that sounds horrendous. But he doesnt deserve freedom and happiness. Not when we are all still healing and handling the aftermath of his destruction.
I’m repeatedly trying to tell myself to be proud o got away and am safe and my own children are happier and safe… but I am finding it hard to be positive.
I hope you are well, how are you IWMB?
X*x
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Hi I’m good just glad Im not living with him in this moment in time. Been so busy but finding my rhythm now.got my own place but can’t move in just yet thanks to this virus. Was just days away from doing so but there it is. I’m learning a new language, put myself forward in a political environment. My excess weight has naturally came off, I can have a drink now (or not), without being accused of becoming an alcoholic. I’ve not stated divorce proceedings yet but I will. I like being me again. 😊
IWMB 💞💞 -
Mine moved on after a week! Lol… you will be grateful it’s happened when the pain subsides because there’s nothing more he can do, he may be having a ball right now but we all know what comes next don’t we. The way I see it is enjoy it who ever they are with because sadly it’s the start of a nightmare.. and people do not change. Not when they have deep issues. And I feel to hit a woman or cheat on a regular basis is who they are as a person nothing will change that because it’s in them, especially if they continue to get away with it. Keep your head held high and focus on you…. one day you will hear or see damage he’s done to her. Everyone thought me and my partner of 6 years where forever and we where so happy! But they had no idea what I was going through at home. X
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Yes I was the same to the outside world. A friend of a friend once said how envious she was of me because I didn’t work and stayed at home with my son. I was too mentally ill to work because of his abuse. We spend a lifetime defending our abusers. Trying to make the outside world believe things are great. But we know what goes in when the door is closed. Street angel house devil. Good riddance to bad rubbish. He’s not my problem anymore. He current gf who I caught him in an affair with backed him all the way. Lied in court documents when she hardly knew him. The average person just isn’t equipped to deal with an abuser but we are now. Beware
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I initially felt the way you do my ex got engaged super quick, she loves social media and I do look occasionally she actually asked me to follow her as she posted some pics of my children.
I think he will do exactly what he did with me and his ex wife… this one is the 3rd… he won’t have been honest about his abusive behaviour or she wouldn’t be with him… he won’t truly reveal his nasty controlling side until they are married. I hope he has changed but I know he’s back on drink.
Also don’t think it was you that brought that nasty side out in him, the abuse was never your fault and never will be, nor was your reaction to it. Be thankful you are free of him.
Try not to let loneliness see you looking at things with rose tinted spectacles… my ex had his good side but he was so controlling, manipulative and abusive it was all part of a game to manipulate and get his own way…
I’m much better without him. -
Thankyou so much ladies, I know what you are saying, it’s just hard to accept they move on without a genuine care about you, especially when I was (and maybe still am???!!) Absolutely convinced he adored me…. how sweet and content he appeared at times when we went for a meal together, or a walk somewhere. How is it possible that was all so fake??? I know in my logical brain I read about men like him, and think yep, that’s him!!! 100%! But at other times I remember the Dr Jekyll side, which was sweet, and kind and calm and laid back and fun, and I cannot get my head round it all, at all. It’s so weird!!!! (And no I’m never contacting him ever again!!!) FL x*x
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You don’t sound delusional, you sound like a victim of a skilled abuser. I think they are happy and contact and fun in the moment because they have what they want. Think about the times he didn’t have his own way or you were achieving or happy. His true colours showed then. Remember those moments of happiness are yours, you made them and you felt them. We can have good memories too or we would have run a mile sooner. My sister once said to look at it like losing friends as we go through life. That part of it is yours to keep but the real nasty him isn’t worth a second thought. He won’t change and once day you will realise what went on. You won’t always feel this way x
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