He’s just turned up crying

[Sparkle wand]

My estranged husband has just turned up at my house. He said that he can’t get through life & is struggling and everything feels hopeless. He says he’s reached out to his doctors, the crisis team everybody and it is an ongoing case. Nobody can help him and he knows he’s being selfish, but he wants me to help him as I was his rock. He now wants me to be his friend, someone who can help him & he can Talk to, and life is really difficult for him. He was crying and saying he was feeling suicidal all the time. I said I was sorry that things were difficult but asked him to go. I don’t know what to think 😥 it wasn’t easy not responding to his emotional behaviour. After everything he’s done 😥

[StrongLife]

Hi there,

I had ex turn up like this but it turned to anger later on.

He is not your responsibility- he needs to be responsible for himself and you cannot do that for him.

He needs professional help.

Please keep safe as they changed overnight

[Moonlit Night]

Oh, Sparkle Wand. That’s sounds difficult.

You weren’t his rock, you were his victim.

You are not responsible for his mental health.

He’s unable to be a friend as that requires empathy and mutuality.

Agree, yes – he is being selfish.

Well done you!

[Sparkle wand]

Thank you ladies – I can’t believe how he asks me these things 😥 I feel all wound up now about finding out if he is under the crisis team or in contact with them. He was waving a packet of medication at me saying it was diazepam. He was saying that we’d been together for nearly 2 decades & he needed me to help him as he has no-one else & no friends. It’s so hard to not respond to stuff like that. I did ring his GP to let them know what he said about having no support & feeling suicidal everyday. I just felt like I had to pass that on as it felt too much on my shoulders. I feel stuck in this situation with him x

[Hereforhelp]

Ringing his GP was a good idea, well done… this is must be really difficult for you as you are a caring emphatic human being who was once in love with him…. but that wasn’t the real him
I completely agree with moon lit night, he doesn’t have any friends as he is incapable of being in a healthy relationship. Also, him waving his meds around is very odd behaviour.. look at me and how.bad my life is, I know I am self and habe hurt you so much in the past but I need you to help me so will you be my friend as I do not have any friends. Also, there’s an expectation there because you were together for decades..that means nothing, you owe him nothing whether you were together a few months or years… I am a long term married, mid life now..
You do not have to be stuck anywhere with him,. He is hoping to pull on your emotions to manipulate you into a kind of relationship again…
As hard as this may sound I would suggest using the grey rock method. You have informed the GP.about his mental welfare so they can do their job. My husband was suicidal until I asked the police to do a welfare check and suddenly he wasn’t depressed or suicidal… these men are master manipulators, you are his best option for himself atm please remember what he has put you through and fir how long and yet he still feels entitled to.ask more from you.
Take care ❤️ HFH
It is very hard on you when he is using your very kind,.thoughtful nature as a way to.’get back in’ … he is an adult, he can sort himself out, if anything he should be working on himself without announcing anything and just getting on with it.
His.drinking doesn’t make him an.abuser, he knows what he is doing and is making his choices, let him get on with it, you do not have to message/acknowledge his messages, even the most heart wrenching

[Sparkle wand]

Thankyou here for help what you say is spot on, it is hard because we were together for a very long time and he does have genuine mental health problems, which I did support him with. Hence questions such as is it his MH? or could he have personality disorder? or be on the spectrum?. Over the years I’ve found myself researching and googling his behaviour looking for answers. Is he mad, bad or both? But I know thats no excuse for emotional manipulation, intimidation, symbolic threats of violence or an affair.

When he turns up at my house he looks lost & vulnerable & yes this entire situation where we are today is the consequence of his own actions. He tells me he knows he’s being selfish but he can’t help himself. Life is pointless & the future is hopeless. I feel scared when he says this about what he might do. I have previously contacted his GP several times over the last few years with similar situations. I just feel so sad for him, me & where it’s left us. It’s true he doesn’t have any family apart from elderly parents & no friends. I feel like I question my own sanity at times as I still don’t feel ready to action a divorce. It all feels too big & overwhelming 😥😥 thank you for responding. It’s a lonely place to be in as friends and family have lost patience with it all now, which I do get 😞

[Sparkle wand]

I wish I could just switch off & not care about him anymore 😞😞

[Author]

Posts