- This topic has 8 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 5 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
I’ve let him back in again and thinking it takes two people to make it work all the things you do and blaming myself.
Weekends are going back how they were a while ago where he’s horrible until he’s had a smoke.
He stop smoking for a while then when he’s doing it again it takes me a while to realise what’s going on with the moods.
We’ve a lot going on within our lives, stressful times all round.
But he just keeps chipping. He joked to the kids not to get married as women nag. So I put him straight but he couldn’t apologise said I was not able to take a joke. What is he teaching our kids?
He wanted some intimacy but I fell asleep putting kids to bed. (detail removed by Moderator) I’m faced with a mood as he had waited for me. Yet another mood! I said to cuddle he doesn’t just lays there looking at his phone while I cuddle him? and I get upset after a while. All I want is for us to be happy and be there for each other there’s things we are facing in a few days why be like this? When I was upset he said I was in the wrong as I get upset when he doesn’t do what I want, that was to give me a cuddle and be there for me, each other? I feel that’s a punishment for (detail removed by Moderator). He later blames me for the atmosphere again another weekend.
When I explain my side he says you have to leave me alone give me space when I feel like this. I can’t win and my heads spinning yet again.
-
-
So fed up with the rollercoaster and wondering if it’s me
Surely this isn’t normal to be posting on here, waking up to someone who is moody with you.
Being told he’s leaving you because you don’t back him up, that your a nag. Don’t I have feelings too?
So sorry to keep posting just nowhere else to turn
-
Hi CB, you are right that it isn’t normal or healthy hiw your partner is treating you… also, if it is not right for you how he behaves in your relationship that is also enough and should be respected by your partner. Abusers do not accept responsibility, they are full of their own entitlement of what they want without a thought for anyone else.
Well done for putting him straight for his misogynistic comment to your child, you taught your child a lot by standing firm on that .. society still tries to keep women quiet with the ‘don’t make a fuss/cause a scene’ women nag etc and sadly abusers use this misogynistic language to reinforce power over women.
It is impossible to make them understand how you feel because of their behaviour as they do not care about anyone else’s feelings as they are full of their own self entitlement.
As much as you want him to be emotionally engaged in your relationship (as that is healthy) he won’t as he isn’t thinking of you both, only of his needs… he is responsible for his moods, you are correct in that he is punishing you for not doing as he wanted you to do… even if you did everything he wanted, whenever he wanted it still wouldn’t keep him happy or be enough..he Will still move the goal posts..
It isn’t you CB, there’s nothing you can do to help him as he doesn’t see he has an issue. Trust your gut not what he says.
HFH ❤️-
Hi HFH
I can’t thank you enough for your reply. I’ve other things in the equation making life very stressful and it’s times like this he gets worse.
I always thought it was he couldn’t cope with problems and I let it go.
It’s not that as it happens anyway. I just find it more noticeable when I need his support.
You’ve reassured me 🥰 although I’m still having a bit of a wobble. I find when he’s at work I can usually reassess events from the weekend and see more clearly so hoping tomorrow will be better.
He’s blamed it all on wanting time Alone with me, it’s not like we don’t have time together but he hasn’t got what he wants when he decided to. Now I don’t feel like being with him at all, still incredibly hurt and unsettled.
Thanks again for some clarity HFH and your support ♥️ xx
-
-
Remember being with an abusive person is like living in opposite land with a target that will forever be out of reach.
He wanted intimacy but you fell asleep – really? I’d put money on if you’d been awake he’d have rejected you, just like he did when you tried cuddling him. It’s mind f k ery. So you constantly feel like you’re doing wrong and want to please him. Remember too that no matter how much you do or don’t do it will never be enough, you will never be right and he will always ‘win’. It’s a horrible thing to face & accept, but it’s our reality.
You have done nothing wrong! But sadly you’ll never do anything right as that’s not how he’s wired. I’ll put money on that lovely cognitive dissonance telling you next weekend will be better, it’s just a bad day but I remember getting to the point of dreading weekends because these ppl only get worse, as already said the goal posts keep moving. All the other stresses can’t be helping but having a partner who adds to them, not aids them is another stress factor right now so look after yourself x
-
Hi Bananaboat
I know you’re completely right. It’s never going to be ok. It’s mind games and keeping me on my toes.
It’s ok for a bit and then this. The cycle.
He was with his family today and I made myself look bad as I was upset I couldn’t face them, couldn’t say hello, I felt sick to the stomach. I’m sure they all talked about how rude I am, nothing new. He won’t ever stick up for me or explain we’ve had a disagreement. I have thought that it just helps him to have reassurance he’s in the right I’m wrong, flying monkeys? Is that the right term? But they’ll all say how bad he must have it. His mum is a n********t for certain.
He knows for now I need him as something big is happening with one of the children we should be supporting each other. He will do what he always has and make my head spin, say I’m not doing enough or getting it wrong and it’s him that’s doing everything to help with a difficult situation. It breaks my heart 💔
We have a long journey I need him to drive and past experience is just this. It’s the build up to it the stressful day we’re facing. The silence in the car as he drives us to and from where we need to go. (And then sometimes I imagine all this will happen, brace myself and he’s amazing and supportive. Then I doubt myself and think I’m imagining it all)
And yes next weekend will be better, you’re also right about that, I do try to convince myself and sometimes it is, but you never know, we went months when it was better, not perfect but not like this,because he was clean from weed and booze, then he has been back doing it heavily and now he is using less his mood is worse.
I’m definitely experiencing the highs the lows the addiction I feel it. I know what’s happening but don’t feel I’m in control at the moment. I’m presuming that’s what happens in this part of the cycle.
Thanks for understanding and helping me figure this out some more x
-
Sorry you’re having such a tough time. I saw a post recently that said narc’s families are like cults and amen to that! I can see it clearly now but in it, I thought I wasn’t good enough, I just wanted to fit in, they must think I’m rude etc. But the main reason for this reply is to remind you that the more you need them, the less they will be there. When you said you are both needed right now for your child, my head went bingo, that’s why he’s playing up again. I know you can’t leave but sometimes just remembering all this stuff gives you that little bit of confidence & control back x x
-
Banana boat that’s spot on to describe them like a cult and the feeling of not fitting in. My sister in law is as bad as my mother in law and they love to hate each other. They don’t like me as I won’t play their games, I see through them.
It’s true when we need him he absolutely acts up. My child has been saying for days now, that this day is so important to them and they’re half expecting their dad to let them down.
Yes just want to pull myself out of the vortex stop my head spinning and as you say get myself back again x*x
-
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
