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Please bear with its a long thread.
Im struggling with my emotions recently as ive been with my fiance (detail removed by moderator) The last 18months however I feel like I have been controlled emotionally and mentally and even sexually (i think).
I lost about (detail removed by moderator) weight on my own the last few yrs and got my confidence back and have since been a lover of the gym 3to4 times per week but im constantly told I never see him, he should be my number 1 priority, im always out.
We were trying to fall pregnant but a few unfortunate events (detail removed by moderator) but hes told me he doesnt believe me and that he just thinks I dont want kids which is why im not pregnant. For someone whos desperate for a family this is devastating.Hes become more controlling to the point I am not allowed out with certain friends,he complains if i have a night out without him, hes even took photis of my sat nav history and questioned me on the different places. (detail removed by moderator) The mortgage although I pay the entire house is in both names so hes refused to leave and says i need to buy him out.
Ive been even having arguments because of the stress of everything my sex drive has gone, as to me its a connection which i feel we dont have right now. Every weekend we argue about the lack of sex, we end up talking again and I end up having sex just to prevent another argument. Afterwards I feel cheap which he doesnt notice as hes all happy as if everything is fixed again.
(detail removed by moderator) because I asked for a break from us,naking myself homeless, but im now missing him more than anything and constantly heartbroken. I feel I want to fix things but every time I do it reverts back to this again.
Am I over reacting thinking this is abussive and controlling? I dont even know what my life is anymore.
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I don’t think you are overreacting at all.
This sounds so much like my situation and I have been forever just having sex to keep the peace. However I have just posted on a forum on here with my situation as I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I still want him and need him yet he makes me so unhappy.
Sending big hugs xx -
YOu’re not consenting to sex if you’re submitting yourself to keep the peace. It’s certainly not love, it’s him using you as a self cleaning sex toy to get his own needs met.
Abusers love bomb us. They mirror us, and make themselves appear like the perfect partner. They share our views, our likes and dislikes. They often have a sob story so we feel sorry for them.
He’s abusing you. There are lots of organisations who can support you in real life. Women’s Aid, Rape Crisis, Victim Support to name a few of the national ones. Also keep posting.
Your expectations have been shredded and your love betrayed. This is absolutely not your fault. As you start to understand the red flags and his behaviours, you will be able bit by bit, to see him as the pathetic little man child he really is. Baby steps. Sorry to sound so harsh. I’ve been through this mill quite a lot!
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