Hi Anonymous and welcome!
It can really help to write it down, share what you can with us, we’ve got a massive shared history here so someone will be able to help you.
I’ve had years of mental abuse, but I’m out now and rebuilding me and my children. I never thought we would be free. The first step is awareness and you have achieved that already!
To quote Nelson Mandela “It always seems impossible until it is done.”
Much love
Mimosa