Hi, I’m new here

[samsam]

I am in a long-term marriage, and my husband is emotionally abusive. He hasn’t ever turned physical, however recently he once used threatening body language during an argument – clenching his fist, staring at me and blocking my exit from the room. I realised afterwards that this was him sending a threatening message to me of what could potentially happen. He also drives dangerously, so I fear for my safety in the car with him, and wherever possible I do the driving myself. He is financially controlling and keeps the financial situation very secret. He is the main breadwinner, however I do earn my own money which gives me some degree of independence. We have 2 lovely kids who are in their teens. I would desperately like to leave the marriage and be on my own for a while. However it is complicated as this would mean I need to leave the house, and I don’t know if I can support myself financially, and there would be serious ramifications for my sons ie their living arrangements, paying for their university fees etc. I am resigned to stay until they no longer live with us, and then consider my options. I do nurture many things in my life (job, hobbies, friendships, social life) that are mine alone and nothing to do with him. However it is still very hard to be stuck with him, and live with his emotional neglect, dismissiveness, lack of any kind of empathy for me. I wonder how on earth I ended up in this situation.

I am very sorry for others on here that they too are going through these horrible things that none of us deserve. However I am also grateful that we can safely support each other and know that we are not alone.

I was wondering if anyone is in a similar situation to mine, and grateful to hear of any advice, suggestions for coping or support.

[Lisa]

Hi samsam,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing with us. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand.

If you need additional support, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is available for free, 24-7 on 0808 2000 247. You can talk to their team online Monday to Friday 10am-10pm and 10am-6pm on weekends.

Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Author]

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