his anger is getting worse

[Ariana]

(detail removed by moderator) my husband and i went out with some friends and he got really drunk and was starting fights with other men for absolutely no reason. He was accusing me of wanting other men and storming off. (detail removed by moderator). he was shouting racist slurs in the taxi all the way home i was horrified. when we got home he asked me for sex i said no, he then proceeded to shout and scream trying to get me to give him details of people i have had sex with before i met him. He punched and headbutted doors in the house and then stood (detail removed by moderator) screaming at me to push him down I was physically trembling and didnt know what to do. He then proceeded to pull a kitchen knife (detail removed by moderator) and held it to his throat saying to just say the word and he would kill himself. I was very close to calling the police but i was just frozen in fear, i told him to put the knife down that he was scaring me ..he just said i wont hurt you with it just myself. I considered calling the police but i was just too scared. so i tried to diffuse the situation by telling him i loved him and i was just tired. this worked and (detail removed by moderator)  No apology the next day just shrugged it off and said he was drunk. Thankfully our 2 small children were staying with a relative that night, however earlier i the day when they were there he had an outburst and was shouting and screaming upsetting us all. I have been going through this on and off for a few years now..ive left a number of times but always end up back again. Im terrified to leave but terrified to stay… just dont know what to do i always seem to find an excuse why i shouldnt leave, money situation ect. I want to reach out for help but im so scared. thanks for listening.

[blue eyes]

Well done Ariana, for having the courage to post on here. Keep doing that. Believe me I have been there, everyone on here has. Anytime you want support come on here. Also are you able to phone Woman’s Aid helplines? Rape Crisis also have helplines and listening support not just for sexual abuse but any form of emotional abuse and violence. It helps to talk to someone who has experienced this and understands but who won’t tell you what to do, they just listen and suggest things. It is scary but you are not on your own, there is help out there. x

[fizzylem]

Hi A, yes great you’re reaching out on here. I agree, can you call the helpline when he’s not around? He sounds awful to live with, frightening, out of control x

[Ariana]

I’ve been feeling suck to my stomach side it happened u know I should go..u keep ringing a relative who has said that by staying all the time I’m sending him the message that his behaviour is ok. I agree but it’s easy from the outside looking in to say just leave. I feel so trapped due to finances and I feel really beat down and literally don’t feel I have the energy to do anything about it anymore. Feel like I’m fading away. X

[fizzylem]

Can you get a short break away from him somehow? Say you or you and the children are going to visit a friend or relative? This could give you some head space and a bit of recovery time; and it wouldnt alert him to there being a problem. A change is as good as a rest, I find this to be true, gives me perspective when I am away from home. If you could get a holiday away somewhere I think it would help you to see things more clearly and workout how you feel but also give you a break from him x

[maddog]

Your behaviour and responses are normal under the circumstances. Alcohol is never an excuse for abuse. As well as Women’s Aid, it may be worth speaking to the domestic abuse team on 101. Your safety is paramount.

Sadly the abuse is part of who these people are. Very rarely can they change and even if they recognise their behaviour, it will be long and hard for them to see any real and permanent alteration to a lifetime of this behaviour.

At the beginning it all seems overwhelming and impossible. It’s not an easy path to move on and not one anyone would chose.

Please realise that his behaviour is not your fault and abusers select us like heat-seeking missiles. We supply their addiction to prop themselves up. In fact these people are desperately damaged and there is nothing we can do to help them.

[Author]

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