His Grandad is sick months to live

[I.dont.know.]

So I was slowing getting my plan of escape on track and now a spanner has been thrown in the works and I don’t know what to do. We have found out today that his grandad has got cancer and has only got months left 😥😥😥

I don’t know how im supposed to still leave with all this going on, I know when I leave his side of the family will disown me and his mum will not l not be allowed to see the kids as his dad is also an abuser and wont allow it. I don’t want him to pass away and me not be allowed to the funeral to say bye.

[Tiffany]

That you are so keen to be at the funeral suggests that the Grandfather is a good person. If that is the case he would understand that you had to get out. He wouldn’t want you jeopardising your escape for his sakes if he knew.

If you are staying to support your abuser through a hard time then I would remind you that abuse usually gets worse while things are hard for your abuser. And you would be safer speeding up your escape plans. He doesn’t deserve loyalty in bad times because he can’t be trusted. He won’t treat you fairly, which means you can’t even try to treat him fairly. It will just end up in you capitulating to his will.

It’s never a good time to leave an abuser. There is always a reason to stay – I avoided leaving because of everything from exams to holidays to bereavements. But any time you can get out is the right time to leave. I left right after something awful happened to my abuser. I felt guilty at the time, but it had to be done. I had to get out. I don’t feel guilty now.

[KIP.]

I looked for excuses not to leave. It’s what we do. My ex mother was diagnosed with cancer when I tried to talk to him about separating and he launched into how selfish I was and that his mother was dying. She took about three years to die and his abuse of me was horrific. It got so much worse and he just wanted to dump his anger onto someone else, making himself feel better. Not to be callous but his grand father won’t know you’re not there and if his family are so nasty that they won’t allow you then that’s their problem. You’re in charge now x

[Sunflowersandstars]

I was similar to KIP, his mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and asked me to look after his younger sister- I wasn’t even 18 at the time. I ended up staying almost a decade after she died. Don’t let anything feel like an excuse to stay, visualise yourself free from him and stick to the plan to get out regardless of what is thrown in your path. You deserve so much better and I found in times of grief and sadness his moods were worse because he felt that gave him a valid excuse for his behaviour. Get out sooner rather than later
SaS

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