His new partner and our little one

[PatientPlatypus]

I left when my little one was a tiny baby. I always said I’d leave the first time a man was violent. I didn’t. I said I’d never put my child in harm’s way and so when it happened after my little one was born I found the strength to get away. The hatred he has for me has never ever subsided.

I had little support legally and did not pursue anything through court. The police have a log (and that of a previous survivor who came forward after I left) but I was too scared and overwhelmed to press charges.

He has gradually built up to one overnight stay a week plus another school pick up and tea time with my little one. This has been hit and miss the past 6 weeks as he’s been on holiday and then this last week my little one asked me to go and pick them up as they didn’t want to stay over.

Of course, the predictable cuts/non payments of maintenance that are an attempt to punish/control me continue.

(Detail removed by Moderator).

He is absolutely blaming me. That’s fine. I have my own thoughts and feelings about what this is really about. The pattern is easy to spot now I’m out of it.

My worry is…I know that the best thing is for my little one to have a positive relationship with the father. By not agreeing to just let my little one go am I harming my child? Would it be best to accept that I can’t do anything and let my little one go to sleep over, knowing that my little one likely will witness something at some point? Have I done the right thing? Is this my fault? What should I tell my child?

[Hereforhelp]

Hi, I totally understand your fears and in answer to your question…. if it doesn’t feel right for your little one (detail removed by Moderator) then say no. You also have a choice of raising your concerns with social services, that is a personal choice as some women have had bad experiences and others really positive but in light of what you are saying about his past behaviour, how he was with you and yes, how he will be with his new victim.

My 2 teenagers have zero contact, we all do… I wish I had left mine when they were younger as they have both got mental health problems due to the abusive relationship and their disgusting father (we were married for decades) but that is their choice as thry are old enough to say for themselves, you are the voice for your child. You are strong, you got out, let your mama bear roar and come to the front, you owe that man nothing at all and everything to yourself and your child. You are an excellent mum, that’s why you are so worried about your child because you love ❤️ them.
Keep posting x

[SingleMomSurvivor]

I also left when one of my kiddos was a young baby. Trying to take care of a baby is taxing enough but then to do it while being abused and fleeing from abuse is a level of stress, anxiety and trauma that no woman should ever have to experience. I understand where you are coming from and wanted to give you my support. Feel free to direct message me anytime. ❤️

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