Hit rock bottom but now feeling positive

[Beautifulrainbow]

First time posting. I knew my relationship was abusive but I just didn’t want to admit it. I became addicted to the highs and lows so hoping that one day he would change. We split up for a while and I stupidly let him back thinking this time would be better, how wrong could I be within weeks the same pattern happened and it was much worse. Constantly accusing me of sleeping with a number of men when I didn’t even leave the house all made up in his head but no matter how hard I tried he never believed me just continued to make my life hell after drinking/taking drugs going through my phone questioning me for hours on end screaming and shouting in the face until I’m shaking.
Things come to a head after he strangled me to the point I nearly passed out. Luckily I managed to text a friend and told them I was frightened and asked them to call the police. I was in such a state I didn’t tell the police what happened. He was removed from my property and I’ve not had no contact from him since.
I was at rock bottom and couldn’t function properly. How can someone say they love you but treat you this way? I am now doing everything I can to break the horrible cycle. I’m starting counselling for trauma and I’m on the waiting list for the freedom program. I just need to make sense of it all in my head.
I’ve read the advice you all give on hear and it has helped, thank you

[Twix]

You’ve been so brave posting & your post resonates with me so much in being similar to my experience. This site has helped me see how wrong the behaviour was & how I’d come to normalise it until I couldn’t take it any more. It’s such a rollercoaster of emotions, the grief from losing a partner even though abusive is real & like you say, how can someone love you but treat you that way? We’ll never know & instead of focusing on the why we can choose to take positive action for our future & you’re certainly on the right track. Let us know how you get on xx

[Babs]

Beautiful rainbow please know you are not alone. I am new to the forum but already have gained so much support and knowledge. How brave of you to share your story. Over the coming weeks you will experience a raft of emotions, but by learning more about their behaviour and most importantly that it’s not your fault, you will certainly grow in confidence and know you have so much to look forward to in life.

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