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My husband and I have some child free days coming up, and I feel sick about it. I know already he is expecting a lot of s*x and he’s said that is what is most important. He makes my skin crawl now, as I never feel in a position to say no. Especially now, as he sussed out I had discussed with a family member wanting to leave. I am asked frequently what I’m up to, and knowing we have these days coming up, I could just cry. And I know nothing I say or do will annoy him, he might be thinking he’s being nice, but I know this is so I don’t leave, and if he wanted to genuinely be nice he would ask me what did I want, and give me some rest bite from the constant demands of s*x, instead of saying he is the priority.
Does anyone have any advice on how to detach yourself from the situation? I just want to do what’s needed, then can go about my day, but I feel like he’ll expect us to spend the whole day together, and I don’t know how I will cope as I’m barely holding on as it is.
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I hate these types of holidays i have one real soon too.
My last one i was on my period and he says it was a waste of money as we couldnt have sex.
Nasty vile men.
I am hoping it will happen again but i doubt it. I used to have a drink a good drink before to help numb the dread of having sex until he somehow got me so drunk I actually dont remember what happened i woke up the next morning in pain down below with him gloating about what we did i ended being sick and still have no memory at all of what happened so now im too afraid to drink.
This may not go down well with some but im gonna say it anyway.
Nobody should feel like thwy have to have sex nobody its not how sex should be it isnt right and you should not be bullied into it ever BUT saying that I know what you are going through and well od do it just so I could have try and enjoy a little break away he is always nicer after sex so i just lie there let it happen think of something else just zone out and let him get on with what he needs to do then i go habe a shower and a cry.
Is it right nope not at all its s**t but its what I do to stay safe and sane. Keep your plans in your head those leaving plans of yours keep those inside let them keep you going through this its ok to do what you need to do to stay safe sweetie. -
I could have wrote this post myself. Everytime we have a child free day he decides for me what I will spend my day doing and that is…Sex.
I hate it so much. He makes my skin crawl. As soon as he is ‘finished’ he wants to go again and can’t understand why I don’t.
I might want to spend my child free days going shopping, go for lunch or just chill, but I don’t get a say. If I did he would just sulk and get really mean. Telling me how we never get to spend the whole day together. I tell you now, I dread those days.
I just lie there and zone out aswell and wait for it to be over.
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Oh gosh guys, it looks like a recurring theme, I’m so sorry you are in the same situation. I would love to have the freedom to say no, but even if I’m on my period he’ll expect other stuff. I really do have to keep things ‘normal’ until I can leave, but it’s so typical that now I’m distant and sad, he suddenly wants it to go on forever and I hate it. I could cope before as he made no effort with me, and I could just zone out and think about what I need to do for the rest of the day. Now it’s different and he’s all over me, like he thinks he’s won and I’m never going to leave, and this is meant to impress me. I’m just dreading it.
And the guilt is still eating me up, like he thinks it’s all ok, and either he is completely oblivious to my mood, or he’s choosing to ignore it. Either way, I wish he would just give up the act. For years and years, this is all I would have wanted, the constant calm, and next to no name calling or fat shaming, but I know it’s an act now, in fact rather than complete disappointment when he stops I’ll welcome the rage and put downs. What bothers me most is it’s the kids who are confused. He can’t see that they get hope that he’s going to be happy and they start to relax, so when it does change it’s even worse.
I don’t think I’ve felt this low in a long time. I feel like my whole life at the moment is consumed with guilt and sadness, anger, disappointment, fear, and doubts, and now with the days coming up we have together it’s going to be constant.
We can stay strong together, and know that we deserve more than this. I got news today that a friend from years ago sadly died, he was very young and it was very unexpected and sudden. It’s shows that life is precious and we deserve to be happy. In the future I would love to reflect on this new upcoming chapter as a time I finally discovered who I am, and remember laughing and having spontaneous outings with my friends not family. Not being trapped and sad, living for the days he’s at work, and those few hours I have alone with the kids.
Sending positive thoughts to you all. X*x-
Mine is the same. Even if I’m on my period he expects me to still “finish him”. And if I say I have very bad cramps or give any other excuse it straight away goes to how he needs a NORMAL woman who can keep up with his sexual desires. Or if on a normal day I refuse to do anything right there and then, or especially when our child is right in front of us I get attack that I need to go to my other lover (I never had, have or need one) and saying stuff how I get “done” by someone else, so that’s why I don’t want him. (He’s the one who always cheated, not me)
For a long time I find him repulsive, but especially now for the last few months after doing something with him I feel disgusting (he is not an ugly man, actually very handsome) but I still feel that shame and disgust afterwards, because I’m forced to do things that I don’t want.
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Hi yes that’s what holidays meant to my ex for decades and if I had a period he would be very disappointed and ask me to releive him another way ….went on a (detail removed by moderator) holiday and I thought I will get it over with at the start of holiday was only there for five days ..Next day I got (detail removed by moderator) ..well of course he got going…I said no several times but he persevered until I felt if I didn’t it would ruin holiday and I so wanted a nice one and I knew he would get angry and spoil it he already said the holiday was not all about me when I suggested a day trip ..I felt really violated so I just let him didn’t say yes I felt I had no choice I’m still confused to this day ..was it rape …
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Jedi Warrior, oh gosh, yes I sympathise completely. I’m so sorry this happened to you. No is not an option here either, never has been. I just get on with it in the hope that I can relax after it’s done. It’s so hard to label it, isn’t it. I’m sure if I said no he wouldn’t pin me down, but he would either sulk, or nag me, I just know not to say no, as the consequences always feel worse than just getting it over and done with. As some point it will happen.
Honestly just dreading all the days. I can’t forgive him and I don’t want to even try. I’m just done. He’s being so nice and reasonable, and I think he presumes just having sex with me constantly will make be happy again, and it’s the complete opposite. He’s so self involved though he can’t see anyone else’s feelings, only his own. X*x-
Again selfish word for word that me and how i feel. Im not even sure now if he actually enjoys sex with me anymore he does it becquse he needs too ir he wants to lrove im still his but he doesnt always enjoy it and that makes me feel guilty. But how can we want sex with men who hurt us so much?
Mine has tried to pin me down has carried on when ive said no gets me way too drunk and has thretened to rape me his actual words.
But just lately hes calmer hes nicer not getting at me as much it feels like he is trying yet still i cant forgive nor forget im waiting for the time when he will turn cause it always happens.
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