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Been out of the relationship for x amount of time and often find myself going over the incidents many of which I had pushed deep down.
What I do remember is the vile abuse I endured on holidays abroad with my kids there too. He would abuse alcohol and then my anxiety would be building all day and it would start. Often in
the hotel room – these incidences were the worst for me as I was far away from friends and family and I think they have traumatised me in some way . Did anyone else find it escalated whilst on holiday? xx -
I experienced the exact opposite when abroad, my oh was loving,thoughtful,calmer relaxed, but then, we were on holiday with friends, except when we went to (detail removed by moderator). We got married over there, just us. It wasnt the same, it was different, rushed,tense. He had no need to be, I’d organised everything. Even after getting married he didn’t want to get a drink to celebrate, I felt I had to push him into doing it. I never want to go back to that part of (detail removed by moderator) ever again, it was not a happy time.
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When I was pregnant with my second child he abused me verbally for 3 days straight just before going on holidays. He asked me to move to my home country and told me that we should have never had this second child and that I should get an abortion. I was 5 month pregnant.
He basically tried to break me down. I almost broke down and thought for a second to not go on holiday with him if he hates me that much. But I decided to go for my eldest daughter.
During the holiday he was not abusive, not loud anyway, he basically ignored me and was hostile. I was so heart broken I cried the entire first week. Never in front of him though.
He made us sit in the smoker area in the restaurant of our hotel and I said out loud so everyone can hear that it is unbelievable that a pregnant lady and a child should sit in the middle of smoking people and started recite loudly the damaging effects of second hand smocking. People were looking at him disaprovingly and we moved inside to the non smoke area for the rest of the holiday.
I took the rest of the holiday to placate him and be extremely attentive to him to avoid any abusive episode back in our room.
After the holiday I was exhausted and was happy to be back home.
I think it is more dangerous on holidays with an abuser away from support and amongst strangers and police system you don’t know. -
Nowadays I think that they didn’t allow us to have a break, or a rest. That it wasn’t a human right.
And it is. It IS. Women like us who work hard at everything, housework, child care, friendships, relationships so much deserve some time OFF. Just to be.I’m so sorry about what you experienced Ayanna and others. For myself, this may sound ridiculous but I’m working on resting at times. Not quite got there with a holiday but working on windows of time that I am not there for others, just doing exactly what I want and need to do.
and sometimes that is nothing at all.
all best
ftc
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Thank you for your replies ladies, I’m so sorry you’ve had bad experiences with holidays too;
IWMB, i can definitely relate to not wanting to travel to certain places now after ‘incidents’, its like its tainted.
Ftc , I love that you’re working on it being something different now, I’m considering different types of holiday to escape the triggers.
So sorry to hear this Ayanna, I can relate- holidays were the worst. And hope life joy, good on you for making a stand about the smoking, and I really do agree with you about holidays with an abuser being very dangerous x*x
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