Honestly what do you think?

[itmustbemesurely]

I’m a s**t wife because I don’t want him, because I don’t support him, because I lack passion, because I’m an selfish b@@@@, because I only think of myself. He is leaving me, he will go tomorrow…is that want I want, who else do I want to ****? He is going to find somebody who wants him, lots of people do, he has lots of choice, why don’t I who do I want to be with. Next morning he asks so do you want me to go? I reply that I can’t go on like this, I want him to be kind. I want respect. That I feel like we aren’t together, he says I’m a vile cold hearted *****. Says he can’t live without me that if I don’t stay he will end his life, that he can’t see any reason to live if I don’t want him…we are meeting friends, he tells me that I have to pay for me and the children he can’t. He is like a different character with our friends, I’m a shaking wreck, they think it’s me. He acts like nothing has happened, I can’t string a sentence together. He stays out.Comes home after drinking, he wants sex if I loved him i would, why don’t I want him? I give in, again and cry myself to sleep. How can he act to others like everything is ok???

[KIP.]

It’s one big manipulating act. Anyone who feels suicidal isn’t out with friends. He is lying, twisting, gas lightning, using the cycle of abuse, confusing you. He is very aware of his actions and he just doesn’t care what methods he uses as long as he gets what he wants. It will never change and abuse always gets worse. Can you contact your local women’s aid because you’re going to need help to get away safely from him. Do not believe a word he tells you. It’s shocking when we realise that someone we love and thought loved us in return is a lying abuser. Ring the helpline too. You deserve better x

[Suntree]

what would you advice your closest friend to do if you heard what you just wrote?
I’ve been in a similar position to you. It is abusive and the kids are also being subject to it.
Don’t hang on for dreams look at what you have right now, because the dreams you want don’t come and stay not with someone who thinks its okay to already treat you that way.

[EeyoreNoMore]

Try and look at his actions, his words are poison lies.

Most important, trust your gut. It knows the truth.

[Anonymous]

Please listen to what others say, abuse always gets worse, always. I tolerated it over a decade, abusers don’t change, I hoped wished & prayed he would stop but he couldn’t because he was in complete control & manipulated every situation as to make himself look the victim. I was absolutely convinced his opinion of me was the truth, I still struggle terribly now away to have trust, confidence & believe in myself. You are worth so much more & you are not to blame in anyway for how abusive he is, it’s his way of controlling your feelings & mind set. I hope you get all the help you deserve to free yourself from his mind games xx

[itmustbemesurely]

He has lied again tonight, I’ve had such a lovely time with my friends, I questioned him about something that he lied to my faceI just don’t want to do. I’m too scared.

[Nova]

Hi, Its not you..at all ever.. its abuse, as the ladies have also posted.

That’s the bottom line it cant be wrapped up as anything else. Men or anyone else for that matter cannot speak &/or treat anyone else like that. Hes threatening, lying, confusing you.

I’ve heard those words too, sent me into panic mode, like you…it all goes round in circles.
That’s how its maintained, flip out, then withdraw, then flip out…ongoing so you don’t know where you are.questioning yourself, its his problem, not yours, hes throwing it at you.
I used to think wow …if he loves me how come hes shouting at to me like that?
Hoping it will be ok soon, never happened.

Please try to get some support, safely. WA is a starting point, talk it all over, and keep posting.

Cx

[Beenherebefore]

Hello, It is not you at all, just like the other ladies have said. Healthy partners don’t treat their other halves like that, ever. I totally understand that you are blaming yourself because that is what he has manipulated you into doing. I totally understand that the world has become utterly confusing and you’re not sure who you are or what you think or who is right , but I can assure you that he is in the wrong.
Good men make their partners feel protected and supported and loved, not any of the things you said above. Word for word, I could have written the exact same thing during my abusive relationship. Back then, I read a post which said ‘Each day is a minefield but every day the layout changes so you never know where to tread safely’. If it feels like this for you, please try and find some support safely as Cuppa has said.
You are wonderful and strong and brave and you deserve to be treated well, not like this.

We are all here for you. x*x

[itmustbemesurely]

thank you so much for your kind words, it means so much, honestly keeps me sane. I really am confused, I must be such a s****y person, I must honestly have done something really bad, but I am strong and have to protect my children from this dysfunctional destructive relationship – it’s ruining lives, it cannot go on – pure toxic is the best way to describe it I think. He is horrid and I wish him ill, is that dreadful, I hate him so much and now when I look at him he repulses me, no attraction at all, but in the same breath I can not leave…why is that? It’s like he controls me, I am a doormat, a timid one at that when I used to be so vivacious, now I am a shadow and it’s horrid

[Beenherebefore]

I know exactly what you mean about being a shadow. I felt like a ‘shell’ of my former self. I was so beaten down emotionally it felt like I was hollow inside. But there was a tiny fighting light inside me that would not go out and it sounds like there is one inside you too hun. You know something is up, you recognise that you used to be ‘vivacious’ and I expect you were wonderfully vivacious and still can be, when you are truly free again.
Please stop blaming yourself though and try and take care of yourself in all this. He has worn you down and manipulated you so you no longer trust your own thoughts and feelings. You may feel like you cannot leave…I used to doubt myself constantly, and have endless debates as to whether it was me and not him, whether if I did / didn’t do something differently if it wouldn’t have upset him, whether I was really all the terrible things he called me or if I just tried a little bit harder I could make him love me properly but the horrible reality is that you cant. No amount of love you give will change that man. And you and your wonderful children are worth so much more than that. Your gut instinct is not wrong. x*x

[itmustbemesurely]

Now he is really low, last night was remorseful – it’s not fair on me or my children, he is so selfish I am beyond words x*x

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