Hope.

[nbumblebee]

Its the hope that breaks me. Days/weeks/months of good you start to feel like maybe its gonna be ok that maybe if you try harder so will he. Things look better then bang. You see that horribleness again sometimes for  just a moment sometimes longer but it is still there and so is the fear. You are quickly reminded of who you are and what you deserve.

[Better-days]

Hi hunni I hope you’re ok. Things are only good when they decided. When ur not a very nice person you don’t just become nice. The bad is installed and is there regardless. But when things have been good for song long I can imagine how upsetting and drained it is for you when things turn, even if it’s something small. All the small things make one big massive thing and that’s where I struggle. I’m here anytime u want to talk just pm me big hugs xx

[nbumblebee]

Thank you better days it really was a small thing but I saw such hate in his eyes he then very quickly wrnt back to mr nice guy but I saw it again and it really scared me. X

[NotYourMaid]

@nbumblebee. I know what you mean about hope. I sometimes wish I didn’t feel hope. Hope hurts the most.

And the hate in his eyes. It scared me so much. I pretended to go to the bathroom to just to get out of the room. I actually wondered if he was going to kill me. I couldn’t sleep properly for a month just because of that look.

But I disagree with the last part of what you said, “who you are, and what you deserve”. No one deserves to be abused. It doesn’t matter if you’ve made mistakes in the past, or if you were super perfect, you don’t deserve to be hurt. And no one has the right to tell you who you are. YOU are the only person gets to decide that.

Maybe you have to pretend to someone else because if you don’t, you get hurt (that’s my current situation), but I don’t want him to control me, the real me. And I’m trying to grow the real me, to find that person again, regardless of what’s happening. And if I have to hid the real me for now, that’s ok.

[nbumblebee]

Not your maid this is amazing i needed to hear this. Thank you x

[NotYourMaid]

I hope things get better for you.

[Sad and alone]

I’ve been here and totally understand what you mean. Sometimes it’s a good period of a couple of months. Sometimes it’s in the aftermath of a massive argument where you feel like maybe things will change. Then it can be the smallest thing, a look or a comment, to the point you then start thinking maybe you’re over sensitive. Because then it can revert back to “normal” again. Until the next time. But it makes me question whether I am just making a big deal out of things and I should just accept the horrible things said and carry on. I think there is always a big feeling of disappointment too. That things aren’t fixed after all.
Sorry you’re feeling this way. You definitely don’t deserve this xx

[nbumblebee]

Yes this is it. Its been good fot months now and i thought maybe it was me. Ive done some terrible things because of the way my husband is yes but its no excuse i feel like now i do deserve this that this is my lot my life this is what i deserve. (timeframe removed by Moderator) more nasty comments are cfeeping in as i go back to work and he hasnt any work. This is going to cause some  big issues I fear.

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