- This topic has 3 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 8 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
I said I want some proper advice and he says I don’t need a solicitor, we can sort out the house and the divorce ourselves. He says he doesn’t understand why I need to speak to a solicitor and then asks me why I’m wasting my money on one. He’s confusing me. I’m still an emotional wreck and finding it very hard to cope with the separation as well as coming to terms with what he did to me emotionally. I was already vulnerable and he took advantage of that. I can’t see a way through this. The last thing I need is him trying to act nice, as though he cares and is rational enough to separate everything 50:50. I’m terrified of going back to the house to collect the rest of my stuff and whatever he allows me to take, I’m scared what it will do to my mental health, I’m already a b****y mess, going back there makes me feel sick.
-
Hi AloneWolf,
From what you’ve shared, my concern would be that the reason he doesn’t want you to get a solicitor may be because it will be easier for him to continue his abuse throughout the process if he’s dealing directly with you. Abusers don’t like to lose their control and will do whatever they can to keep it. With a solicitor, there’s someone to act on your behalf and they can be a bit of a buffer between you and him. It would also give you someone to check in with who is objective and can advise on your rights and what’s fair. He doesn’t need to understand your reasons for wanting a solicitor, it’s your decision about the best way to manage things for you.
You could get in touch with Rights of Women to talk things through. They provide free legal advice specialising in areas of law often needed around domestic abuse and other violence against women and girls. They have guides on the website and a family law advice line. If you’re not already getting support from your local domestic abuse service you might like to reach out to them. They are often able to help with accessing legal advice.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
Hi Lisa and thank you for your reply. Unfortunately my local DA service have not been very helpful or supportive. I phoned them after I left him and they asked me some questions and gave me a ‘score’. They put me on a waiting list for a pattern changing course. I emailed them a few days later telling them I am really struggling with my emotions and need some support for me and my daughter, they just replied and said I’m on the waiting list. That’s all they said 🙁
-
Some people in any organisation are just rubbish. There are all sorts of charities who help with different aspects of Domestic Abuse. Your local police on 101 may have a DA team. There’s also a legal group called SHERA. You may have to search around a bit. They have a legal helpline. I know ROW have one. It can take time to get through, so be persistent and make sure you’re phone is fully charged!
Where I live, there are several organisations which deal with DA although refuge services are limited. They’re dotted around the county.
If you have experienced any sexual impropriety at all, unwanted touching, finding yourself in a compromising position, feeling coerced into sex; any time you may have woken up with unwanted attention, it’s worth calling your local Rape Crisis centre. There’s also the IDVA and ISVA service.
It’s really important to have a solicitor who really understands DA. Knowledge is power. The SHERA website is very good and lots of useful links. Divorcing an abuser isn’t the same as a ‘normal’ divorce and mediation won’t help. They’ll just lie.
Please don’t feel beaten yet. There will be other avenues. It’s a horrible and terrifying time, and you badly need both emotional and legal support.
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
