House move

[Sabel]

My partner and I just moved home , I know he can get grumpy sometimes through stress but this was different – he (removed by moderator) in the new house whilst I was left to pack up the entire old one on my own – as well as move all the things

He threw things around , almost hitting me and others, swore constantly , banged doors and treated everyone with pure contempt apart from his friend who came to try and help out.

I am completely at a loss with his behaviour and he doesn’t seem to see what he has done wrong – I don’t know if this is abusive or I should cut him some slack for a stressful situation?

[Lisa]

Hi Sabel,

Stressful situation or not, no one then deserves to be mistreated in any way. Did he quickly realise this and then maybe apologise? If not, that is another indicator that his behaviour is problematic. We know that abusers rarely will ever take any responsibility for their own behaviour and the detrimental impact it has on others.
Another sign of abusive behaviour is that it is cyclic and reoccurs. If you find yourself having to walk on eggshells quite often, repeatedly, then you are in a relationship with someone who is abusive and has no interest in changing.
If you feel you could benefit from talking through what your going through in more detail with a professional, you can always engage with your local domestic abuse service, if you haven’t already. They can provide one-to-one, emotional, and practical help if needed.
The important thing to also consider here is how do you feel and what do you feel needs to happen to make this situation better for you? Trust your instincts and prioritise your needs in all this. You shouldn’t have to feel repeatedly let down and devalued in your relationship.
I’m sure the other women here can relate to experiencing similar behaviour and offer insight into how they felt too. Keep posting.

All the best,

Lisa

[Hereforhelp]

Hi Sabel,

Your husband crossed many boundaries with you in one fail swoop .

Abusers never accept responsibility, they always blame something/someone else.

Your husband decided to stop being abusive in front of his friend as he knew his behaviour was wrong. He knew what he was doing.

I really recommend a book called Living with The Dominater by Pat Craven, it is a really good book to start to educate yourself on Domestic Abuse, it was recommended to me on this forum when I joined a few years back.

If something feels wrong then something is wrong, trust your gut.

HfH ❤️

[Author]

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