How about hitting as a "joke"

[Peppa]

I didn’t considered untill now this but my partener used to hit me unexpectely on the legs or back with his fist and then saing that it was just playing. He wasn’t angry nor we were in a fight. I will say to him my back hurts and he will hit me with his fist in the back. I ignored untill now. In my mind was that he is just doing stupid jokes because we didn’t had any conflict at the moment. When we did had our arguments he will never hurt me. Thank you ladies for recomanding the book of Lundy Bancroft, I read it all and I wonder what books I can read further?

[WalkerInTheRain]

My ex used physically abuse me as a ‘joke’. It’s possibly why I tolerated his behaviour for so long as it was never in anger and how do you tell people that kind of thing? Surely it was just horseplay?
It’s difficult to accept that he chose to behave in the way that he did and took so much pleasure in tormenting me.
He would punch me in the arms and legs to give me a ‘dead arm’, pour cold water on me, whip me with towels, flick my ears, bite the beds of my finger nails, smother me until I started to struggle and then let me go (amongst a host of other things).
If I protested he would deny or diminish the pain I felt, say he was only messing about, told me it was my fault for some perceived misdemeanour, told me that I was no fun and a miserable b***h.
It’s only fun or a joke if both of you are involved and happy with it. It’s very much physical abuse if you didn’t want it, didn’t ask for it, made your feelings clear and they were ignored and you felt scared by his actions.
The water torturer section of Why Does He Do That? Put a lot of things into place for me.

How was your partner in other areas? If he always had to be right and the centre of attention, you might want to look at n**********c personality disorders.

[Peppa]

He is clear the Demand Man. Everything is my responsability and everything is wrong because of me.

[Serenity]

My ex used to do this too.

Whack me hard on the backside as he went past me, pinch me, whip me with wet towels, bite me, flick my ears and nose…

Of course, if I protested I was told so was being dramatic. That he was only playing.

I think it was him expressing his inner aggression, plus he liked to inflict pain for no reason, and by pretending to joke he could do this. I think he often hurt me to ‘pay me back’ for something.

When I got my non-mol, they asked me if he had ever hurt me. Along with telling them he had pushed me over once or twice and Broken furniture, I shared the above. It was included in the statement. When I said that I wasn’t sure if he knew he was hurting me, the lady said of course he did. We are all aware of how much force we put into an action.

I was so naive, I seriously didn’t think he knew he was hurting me and remember telling him that he didn’t know his own strength. Of course he knew. He used to do weights and was very proud of his body strength.

[Peppa]

I was thinking that is not abuse just because he was not doing it because he wasn’t angry and he was making fun of it. But it hurt so much that my leg will go numb. It is like the pain gives them pleasure.

[SaharaD]

Yup hurting you gives them pleasure. Granted I get some people like this sort of thing (s & m etc..) but if your partner does not like it you shouldn’t do it especially if it is physically and emotionally hurting them.

[Midnight Marbles]

Oh dear, mine has done this for years! I thought it was me being a grump, not finding it funny.

He’d punch me so hard on the upper arm, in play, he’d leave bruises. My boss once asked me if he’d been hitting me! I excused it at the time as it was done in fun… I thought.

[KIP.]

Hi Peppa. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven x

[Ayanna]

Peppa, the ex abuser did the same to me. He boxed me in public and made it out as fun. He pushed me in the road where cars were driving fast and laughed.
I hated it and became angry. Then he became angry because I was angry and then it ended in him shouting at me. People were on his side and looked at me as if I was not right in my head and needed guidance.
Yikes,(detail removed by Moderator).

[lostandbroken]

Im so relieved to come across this post.

My ex was the same… He was always trying to ‘play fight’ with me. At first i would go along with it and pretend it was really fun and then he would get rough and this ‘fun’ went too far. Then i would get the brunt of his tantrum for being a miserable b***h and boring. And this also was his way of showing me affection… He would play fight me and get aroused by it. One time i was making the bed and he came behind me and started pushing me over playing then put the pillow case over my head, this was arousing for him and he tried to do the deed right there (whilst the pillow case was still on my head). I found this incredibly frightening and said no, so he went into a huff, threw a tantrum and i then apologised to him.

I was always left feeling like a proper bore and felt like something was wrong with me.

[WalkerInTheRain]

Thanks for sharing that Lost and Broken, his behaviour sounds so similar to my ex’s.
My ex used to get aroused too, especially if he was restraining me against my will and I was struggling.

[Serenity]

Same here, Walker x

[Serenity]

Same here, Walker in the Rain x

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