How did I let it happen?

[ftwiglet]

I keep feeling waves of shame and panic that I let an ex-partner be emotionally abusive towards me, and that I didn’t stand up to him. I am told his new partner is ‘hard on him’ from a mutual friend, and I keep thinking that I didn’t stand up to him and I let him treat me badly. I really pushed for us to be together and was desperate to be with him. I do not think of myself as someone who is weak or diminished, but I feel like I am. Any thoughts or words of encouragement really welcome.

[Lazarus17]

You didn’t “let” your ex do anything- he chose to behave that way.

Who cares how hard on him his new partner is? Odds are he won’t stay with them for that reason. And shame on the mutual friend for disclosing that – if it’s true. Some friend 🙄

You’re not weak – it takes herculean strength to leave a relationship you’re so invested in. You are strong! Diminished? Maybe – but only as a result of his behaviour. As you re-gain yourself, that feeling will pass.

Stay strong, hold your head up and tell yourself every day that you’re worth much, much more than he could ever offer. X

[Sungirl]

I have also had phases of feeling like this. But life is complicated, we have lots of ties to them and leaving is difficult. We may also still love them so we have conflicting emotions. They make us doubt ourselves over what has happened. Have you read about the cycle of abuse?

[Author]

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