How did you get through it?

[Escapee]

Hey ladies,

I’m trying to pack up my life. It’s like wading through treacle. I feel like I’m about to throw up. I haven’t showered for days and I just want to hide under the duvet.

I know I need to be strong and I have to make it to moving day but how did you manage it? How did you cope with feeling like s**t?

[Dragon]

No advice as I am far away from this stage. Just wanted to send hugs, it must be really hard xx

[Bethesda]

I wish I could help you my darling,I wish…
My ex left me just a few months ago and I’m still struggling with my whole life
Every day is an eternal deep pain in my chest
I guess with time and keeping yourself busy will help and this horrible feeling will go someday
Life is a piece of unfair s**t to me at the moment
Sending you a massive hug and strenght
Xxxx
Bethesda

[KIP.]

How do you eat an elephant? One teaspoon at a time. Break things down into little pieces and very slowly tackle each one. Take all the help on offer and lean on anyone you can till you get past this stage. If I can do it after decades, then you can too. And it’s so very worth the effort. There’s a huge lovely light at the end of the tunnel x

[Escapee]

Thank you ladies. Ive been in this relationship for practically half my life and I have no idea how I will cope on my own but I do know that I can’t be lonelier than I have been in this marriage.
KIP – it is so heartwarming to know there’s life at the end of tunnel xx
Bethesda – I hope the sun comes out for you soon my lovely.
Dragon – my heart goes out you. I might not always post but I’m watching over you. I really understand where you’re at xx

My love, hugs and gratitude to you all xx

[Escapee]

And a huge thank you to women’s aid – as I was responding and having a meltdown, my outreach worker called – amazing timing 😉 x*x

[HunkyDory]

That was good timing Escapee. It’s not easy at all, my relationship wasn’t that long, less than ten years and he left so a different situation. It must seem like you have a mountain to climb but you will do it, you’ve come this far and you’re nearly there. That’s the first bit then you’ll go through the first days without him and it will be hard, but baby steps every day. Days will turn to weeks will turn to months. You can do it xx

[Escapee]

Thank you Hunky Dory – this mountain is so high it feels like I need an oxygen mask! Actually, gas and air might work a treat! I won’t get much packing done but at least I’ll feel better!! 😉

I’m doing the ‘if only’ bit at the moment; if only he’d accept he needs help; if only he didn’t treat me that way; if only he loved me enough to want to change; if only I could be good enough; if only, if only, if only……
But who am I kidding….. he made a mistake in an order which ended in a wasted trip for me and me having to reorder and arrange another day for pick up – did he say ‘oh, I’m sorry about that.’ No he did not – he said it must have been their fault and why am I believing them and not him – so he ended up getting angry with me! It was a genuine mistake on his part – no biggy but boy did he get all defensive about it!
Sorry for the moan – that sounds so pathetic but it’s just an example of how something so benign ends up being something to have a go at me about and leaving me so confused about why??

[Anonymous]

I just kept busy. Leaned on friends. Probably drove them crazy keep going on about it. Posted on here. Felt like it would never end, but it does get easier, I promise you.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi escapee,I came to terms with being abused while I still lived with my ex. I looked and felt like s..t. I was like the sterotypical bag lady, I didn’t wash, my roots were so grown out, my pain levels were through the roof, I lay on the couch most of the day, couldn’t sleep,my diet wasn’t the best, but i got through it by posting on this forum, by educating myself,i downloaded so many books and youtube videos, by opening up to my doctor and my local women’s aid centre, by no longer keeping the abuse a secret. Once my enough is enough moment came, i was in my flat within 4 weeks. We survive this because we are women and we’ve survived this s..t for centuries, because emotionally we are the stronger sex and we can do anything we put our minds to. We work through getting through this in our own individual way that’s right for us, but knowing how they act every step of the way thanks to the wonderful posts from everyone, is like being 3 steps ahead of them.i think if I hadn’t learned as much as I had, I’d never have left him.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

[Escapee]

Thank you so much for your support, it has really helped to pick me up. And knowing that some of you have reached the other side and the grass really is green and not full of yellow patches like the current state of affairs gives me the hope I need.

IWMB – thank you for your description of you before you left – that is exactly what I’m like at the moment!

(detail removed by moderator) days to go xx

[EbonyRaven]

Hi, When a flower grows it is first buried deep in a hard shell, and has to make a massive effort to push through that, then rise up and through packed earth. This is so very hard, so draining, and so exhausting.

Then a time comes where the tiniest shoot begins to feel cool breezes and refreshing rain, warming sunshine and strengthening light. That seedling is fragile. Everything is new and unknown. Deep down it knows that it is going in the right direction.

A tight wrapped bud grows, pulling strength from around it, learning to bend and dance in the breeze. Letting colour seep into its life, slowly, ebbing and flowing through the weariness of expansion.

One glorious day the flower unfolds with a pure stretch of joy in life. It gives and receives its wonder and beauty, the seed a distant memory.

You will be the flower in time.

x

[HopeLifeJoy]

This is so beautifully written you are a real poet EbonyRaven 😌🌺

Escapee, take it one day at the time, do the bare minimum step by step you’ll get through it. Can someone move in with you until your moving day? That might cheer you up and keep you going.

Sending you hugs

[Escapee]

Ebony raven, that was beautiful 🙏🏼💕 thank you.

Hopelifejoy, thank you xx I’m leaving (detail removed by moderator) to crash somewhere else until I go. I need to come back to pack and look after my dog but that will be while he’s at work. I hoping that space will help.

I’ve done quite well so far today, and last night I have myself a good talking to and washed my hair and had a bath, so at least now I’m a clean, skinny crazy lady 😉

Thank you ladies and human beings (IWMB – I read your post about being called women 😉 )your messages are really helping me xx

[AlwaysSorry]

Hi there Escapee,

I just wanted to share something that helped me actually get in the shower or have a bath as I struggled a lot with this when I was faced with having to pack up my life. I found this purple showergel with lavendar aroma therapy, I don’t know if I can say brand names on here so I won’t, but it’s fairly cheap but made baths and showers very relaxed for me and something to look forward to again. Showers and personal hygiene were quite controlled by him, so I think that’s why when it was over and he was kicking me out of the flat we lived in, I would just avoid doing things that reminded me of him. As silly as it sounds, showers were almost like on a timer and in all the time we lived together I never had a bath, only he did. And following showers I knew what I’d have to do, so it reminded me of something awful. Finding a new showergel made showers different and while I still struggle having a bath now, I’m slowly taking back control over other things, like growing my hair out to the length it had when he and I first met – before he had me cut it off and dye it (I later found out that by doing so I looked just like his ex girlfriend).

Stay safe and keep going x Please be careful going back and don’t be afraid to involve authorities or take a friend with you when you do go back x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Alwayssorry, i know that shower gel. It’s great as a bubble bath too. I have an empty😏 lovely shaped Gin bottle which I’ve filled with lavender bubble bath and then topped it up with said shower gel. It sits on top, so it’s dark purple at the bottom and pale lilac at the top, so pretty. I’ve stoneware Gin bottles (honestly I’m not a lush, I’ve just saved them for years) which have other scented bubble bath in them.
IWMB 💞💞

[Escapee]

Thank you – I’ll look out for a lavender based shower gel and give it a go. I’ll associate with all the lovely support you’re giving me so it’ll help lift me up. Xx

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