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I totally get you my head and heart are ready. I have nothing left to give he needs to be with someone who can give him attention. Fear is holding me back. But I’m definitely stronger that ever the day I joined this forum I never ever thought I could ever leave but definitely turned a corner. I understand exactly how u r feeling it’s horrible. I hope u r ok x
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I definitely understand the feeling and I’ve just made the decision to leave! You will do it when the time is right or you had no choice like me where my mental health is at an all time low.
Sounds so similar to me better-days where my partner needs so much attention it’s so exhausting isn’t it.
Stay strong x
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It’s not easy. I decided to go and took me 2 months to get rental property etc sorted. I thought my head and heart were both ready as I couldn’t wait to leave. The first few weeks I was fine then reality hit that this is my life now. My heart is broken and I keep thinking was their more we could have done. I just have to try & blank out the good memories that I have & try and remember why I had to leave. I cry every day. My MH wasn’t great to start with but it’s got worse. I have to make myself get out of bed in the morning. I don’t really have many friends & everyone is so busy with their own lives.
sending you strength to get through this xx -
Look up FOG – fear, obligation and guilt. Like others I planned it, had everything sorted, had been separated under the same roof for months but still doubted leaving. That pull is crazy. I found reminding myself of why I was leaving and almost negotiated with myself that he could change and we could try again even if I left (even though I didn’t want to it was more like a safety option in my messed up mind) but ultimately you take a big breath and have to leap. You’ve got this xx
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I’d love to know the answer to this too! There have been times when I’ve been told to get out, or times I’ve said that’s what I want to do, yet I’m still here. I think it’s the thought that I have no plan as such. I know a relative would let me stay with them until I could get sorted. But then I think about all the things I would need to detach from, things that mean a lot to me in my little world. And it seems so hard. Or if I left how I could get my personal things. Silly stuff like that. We aren’t going anywhere as we are.
Have you been in touch with your local DA service? Maybe they could help you? I revealed what is happening to my GP the other day and the local DA service is really my next step but it means getting the courage up to make that call. -
when all trust has been destroyed & when you know your mental health is suffering – so its when you feel the pain of staying is far greater than the pain of leaving x
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These are all thoughts that ruminate in my head all day every day. Trying to set a plan in place so I can leave…then the practicalities and doubt set in. I have depended on my husband financially for 2 decades. I recently found a job, but I doubt my ability to cover all these expenses and what happens if I lose this job? I applied for a small place to rent, but I do not know if I am capable of moving away from my 2 kids. They need me and he is a deadbeat. He has never contributed to caring for them, for me, for the house…he is the only thing that is important to him. I know if it weren’t for my kids, I would have left him years ago. I decide and go back on it, decide and go back. Just one of many examples of how living with an abusive n********t can make you doubt your sanity and your own reality.
But then I think about Courage. I think about Change. Change is part of life and I know if I do not make this change soon it will shorten my life and make me even more sick. It feels like my soul is broken.
Here is to courage and ending the doubt. Here’s to ending the wishy washy back and forth. Here’s to starting my life and being able to live it the way I want to. And maybe my kids will see that I am strong for doing what I need to do. Maybe this will be good for them to see that Mommy is capable of being happy, independent and strong. A life filled with compassion, understanding, support and love. I tried leaving 4 years ago. I don’t want to look back from 2028 only to repeat the same thing: I wish I would have left 4 years ago. I wish I had left 15 years ago. I still can leave. It’s not too late to start over.
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bless your heart, i hope you do find that courage & confidence as i know how you end up feeling when youve been with this type of abuser for decades
would it help to contact your local da service, because then if you are given a support worker hopefully you can talk through all your fears & concerns about coping financially etc. my service recommended a brilliant solicitor experienced in domestic abuse – you are normally able to have a free initial appointment, & depending upon your financial situation you may qualify for legal aid if necessary. contacting one would then help you know where you stood & everything you were entitled to
theres also the rights of women website too – its all free legal advice. its run by solicitors & if you needed to you can arrange a telephone appointment to discuss all your concerns. then hopefully after talking to the right people you might feel a lot less anxiety about the future x
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You are so full of wisdom and helpful advice @minimeerkat x
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Butterfly-A
I was in this position for many months, completely split down the middle. I could not bring myself to start that devastating conversation knowing I was deciding to lose the man I love. I knew it would happen during an argument instead and that’s exactly how it ended, I just couldn’t take the stress and upset anymore and left in the heat of the moment.
It has been incredibly difficult, I miss him, I don’t feel at home anywhere, and have no life really. I read my journal every day and this forum to remind myself that something was very wrong and I was becoming unwell. Talking to anyone who will listen and give feedback has been so helpful, the community here are invaluable so keep posting, they will support you through any decision.
You can do this if you know it’s right for you, you just won’t know when and mustn’t put pressure on yourself. Good luck and stay safe.
Xxxxx
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