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I’ve come to realise I need to leave my relationship but I’ve always been so scared about doing it, knowing the emotional abuse and the manipulation will just escalate. Do you talk to them first explain that you’re leaving or just pack a bag and go? We have children so will need to converse at some stage about them (assuming he still wants to be part of their lives)
This is the part I don’t ever feel like I can do because I’m so scared of telling him enough is enough, I know for sure based on past experience everything I bring up he will deny then he’ll make it all to be my fault and try and claim I’ve fallen for someone else (don’t know who because I haven’t even found them!)
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Hi – I think how you do it depends on the type of abuse you have been suffering. My ex was emotionally abusive – he was very intimidating (shouting in my face, banging doors, throwing things) and very occasionally physical (grabbed me by the throat, held me and bruised my arms) and I felt that he knew exactly how far to go before he would get himself into real trouble and I would call the police which he would not want. So I did tell him it was over and we had to live together for almost a year until the house was sold and we went our separate ways. During that time he was very aggressive and shouting and absolutely did not want to even try to understand why I’d had enough and certainly wasn’t prepared to acknowledge anything about his behaviour had pushed me to make that decision.
As a precaution, I did phone my local police and told them what I was doing and that I didn’t want to press charges but I did want to have my situation logged somewhere so that if I did need to call them then I wouldn’t have to explain everything from scratch (in front of him). They were very understanding and gave me a log number to quote if I needed it.
I think it helps if you can stay fixed on what you want to achieve. I had some counselling at the time I was leaving and I was too vulnerable to be able to open up about how I felt emotionally as he was verbally attacking me all the time. Instead we focussed on what I wanted from my future without him and who I might be when I was free. It really helped me stay focussed and not be distracted by all the ways in which he tried to change my mind, most of the ways trying tor tap into my sense of guilt and doing the right thing by tryign to make me feel like I hadn’t tried everything, that he needed me and I was abandoning him, that I was selfish, that we should try counselling. He kept asking the kids if I had someone else. I mean frankly, just having him was enough!!
I wish you all the best and even if it takes you a while to get there, I hope you do. It was so hard to get through but being free and in control of my own life is so worth it. xx -
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I know this may sound harsh it isn’t my intention. Items can be replaced am not saying that’s easy but you and your child’s safety is more important than any item.
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I’m in the same situation, like I don’t know if to wait till he’s at work and leave with my little one , he doesn’t understand why this relationship is so toxic , he’s hit me, controls me, shouts at me, my little one has herd most of it , I feel guilty doing it and I don’t know why i should , I always think what will happen to him etc where will he go and I just wish I could do it but I’m so scared and I feel so stuck and so depressed 24/7
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Hi there,
You need support to leave and also financial support.
Also I relocated. This needed support- I would reach out to community supports and organisations and family and keep going and open up bank acct seperate to others. I saw counseling as well to help. As I had to flee immediately I relied on government programs.
It majority escalated out of control far worse than I thought it would .
Hope that helps
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