how do you find that final burst of courage?

[abcxyz]

Looking at short term lets, ordered spare mobile, getting my head together, but scared to death of actually walking out of the door, and breaking it to the kids on the way home from school that they aren’t going back home for a week or so til Daddy leaves. Just too awful. How do you get that burst of courage to do it? I keep reminding myself of how he has made me feel, and that helps, but at the moment my brain keeps overpowering all that with the “what if he turns up at school and tries to take the kids?”, “what if he finds me?”, “what will I say to him when I see him for the first time again after all of this, when he has the kids etc?” … so many negative thoughts that the positive ones are finding it hard to break through. Any words of advice gratefully received. x*x

[Lisa]

Dear abc,

You are doing brilliantly. You have made huge progress and steps towards freedom in such a short space of time. No one is here to judge you or tell you what to do, you have to go at your own pace. Ending any relationship is hard, and ending a long term abusive relationship is even harder, particularly when you have children and your lives are very entwined. All I know is that you and the children deserve to be happy and free from abuse and until you are not together that will not be the case. Yes, it will be hard but you will know you are doing the right thing. Be kind to yourself. Please phone the helpline to get some more support too.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Grenache]

It sounds like your situation is tougher than mine. I don’t have kids and it wasn’t so hard for me to just move back in with my parents. I got a job near my parents which is far from my husband. It helped me kind of hold me there away from him. When I applied for it, I was kind of on autopilot, from an outside perspective it’s kind of insane that I’m getting a job in a city away from my husband. But I was just kind of emotionally numb, following my instincts and doing what made me feel better. If it helps, try to keep yourself as emotionally neutral as possible. Don’t let any of your emotions out of control. As long as you know this is best for you, your heart will lead the way. You really just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and take it one day at a time and it’ll be hard but everyone here understands and you can always find support here. I hope I helped at least a little! Can you warn the teachers at your kids school to watch out for him?

[Author]

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