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This is a hard one to try to answer. I don’t know if I ever could trust blindly again. I find I also struggle to trust the few people that stayed in my life after I reported my ex. I will have moments of paranoia like “do they really believe me or are they just saying it while they report back to him??” What I try and do when the paranoia comes is force myself to take deep breaths and flip whatever paranoid question I have around in my head. In my example I would try and say “well why would they, what would they gain from that?” or “if they don’t believe me, wouldn’t they have deemed me crazy already and stopped talking with me?” until I can reach “so what if they do, I can’t control that, the only thing I can control is me and I’ve not said or done anything wrong”.
I don’t know if that’s helpful to anyone and it has more to do with paranoia, but I’d like to think once I’ve recovered enough I might be able to meet new people and make friends. I can’t do that without some level of trust; in strangers and in me.
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Very slowly….. I think it’s a self confidence thing and as our self confidence has been destroyed it’s about building that up. Trusting ourselves first to make good decisions. The freedom programme from women’s aid is good for teaching us to spot abusers. I suppose that’s as good a place as any to start x
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I’ve not got it yet. I hold everyone at arm’s distance. This makes making new friends hard. When I left my ex, I discovered just how much I had built my life around him. The only friend who stood by me was from many years before him.
People look at me like I’m nuts when I say I trust no one. Experience has been a cruel teacher.
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I think by learning about what we like and don’t like.
By really listening to our gut instinct, it is NEVER wrong.
By putting our boundaries in place, even if it means writing a list of what we find acceptable/unacceptable behaviour and if anyone crosses it or tries to push and push until you back down, take them out of your life, this will include family members too.
By learning to not let anyone tell you what you should do or think.
By taking the time to love ourselves.
I think once I’m out, I’m going to learn how to be more assertive. Being assertive isn’t the same as being abusive💪
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞 -
Noonespecial I don’t think you are nuts for saying you don’t trust anyone.
They are very tough truths that we are dealing with here.
Alwayssorry thank you for sharing the questions you ask yourself. They are helpful to me also.KIP as usual, thank you for the wisdom…was just about to write
trusting yourself (to make good deciisons as you say KIP) the best place (for me) at least to start.
I trust my child (now young person, rather). – to have the ability to repair the relationship with me when needed, (and me with her) – which I think being the age they are, is a necessary thing on a daily basis really.
Sometimes not sure what trust is…I trust animals these days more than I ‘trust’ people.
all best
ftc
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kind of along the lines of ‘ a dog wagging its tail doesn’t lie’…
a cat, basking in the sunshine in a good mood.I trust the postman (to help me)
I trust the milk man (to bring the milk and ask how I am…
These two men (aside from my dad, passed away now…bless him) the most reliable men I hae ever met…
(don’t laugh…it is kind of important for me to say that…I trust them to do certain things, and uphold boundaries…)
all best
ftc
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I’m right there with you Freedomtochoose and know exactly what you mean.
The times in my life where I have trusted someone and let them get close to me I have been hurt/let down.
I don’t think I’ll ever completely trust anyone again. I don’t want to rebuild my life again after this time because my trust has been betrayed.
It’s sad,I know but that’s the experiences I got to base things on.
Give me a dog wagging it’s tail pleased to see me any day. It’s an honest response.
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im struggling also to trust I guess its a common issue for survivors.
I struggle to trust my new partner that he wont cheat on me or start secret relationships behind my back (as my ex narc did) I also find it hard to trust because a close friend of mine who knew most of what I was going through just turned her back on me when I needed her the most after I left him. She knew I was struggling and low and yet somehow managed to support other joint friends that became my ex’s friends and then girlfriend. How do trust after being betrayed by so many people. For having your exs new partner telling you your a liar when you know you have only spoken the truth by the ex is so manipulative that he can convince people I lied and that his actually a really nice guy and make people feel sorry for him! its a sad world we live in that people have the ability to hurt each other so much -
Hello Imfree, it seems the way of things with these men and their flying monkeys. When it happens to her, and we all know it will, I hope she then realises the truth. Until then you’re free, block anyone and everyone to do with your ex and ex ‘friend’. The best payback is getting on with our lives, being happy and to hell with them. My outlook is, if they’re talking about me, they’re leaving someone else alone. IF it becomes slanderous or libellous, send a lawyers/ solicitors letter. Might be worth the cost. Take care of yourself, keep posting and reading others posts.
IWMB 💞💞
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