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I’ve been in this forum for a long while now. Two years ago I went to my local DA centre and just had an initial meeting whereby the put me on record. I’m still here, dealing with the same behaviour, and our relationship just seems to degrade more and more with no affection between us and I feel I am beyond trying even if I wanted to. Many times I have said to myself right, let’s give it a go again, let’s forgive what’s happened, let’s be more intimate in the hopes it fosters respect and love again. Still end up in the same place and going around in circles.
My relationship is a long one. I’ve been with him longer than without. Things haven’t been right for years. But I’m still here. I feel like a fraud, or that maybe things can’t be that bad, or I can’t really be that unhappy, as I’d have gone by now, right?
If you’re out how long did it take you to do it? I’m feeling so stuck.
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Hello Sad and alone
I would say for me, I stayed for years more than I felt I should have, in hindsight, and the more years the more damage to us. I often wonder if I’d had good support and understanding of what was happening I would have left earlier, a lot, but there’s also levels of vulnerability, exhaustion, finances, and fear of literally not knowing what leaving would be like after, that are mountains to climb.
In short, everyone’s point is different, there are so many weighty factors to take into account, and sometimes it can be one look from him that pushes you over the edge, a violent episode, or a realisation and dawning of your own. It can be sudden or involve lengthy planning. The important factor is that you have come to that point and you are ready to go, there isn’t a right or wrong. It’s good to have a ‘flight bag’ packed though, in case you do have to suddenly leave, with the essentials, especially if you have children, and it doesn’t have to stay in your home, it could be with a friend or family member, and keep your phone on you at all times in case you need to call for help, perpetrators are very keen to notice any changes in attitudes and behaviours, as we all know, so keep it very much on the low down as you make your plans, if and when. I wish you all the strength and keep safe.
warmest wishes
ts
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I eventually left after a breakdown in (year removed by Moderator) after (timeframe removed by Moderator) years of marriage with two grown up kids that have left and been affected by their father’s behaviour. I kept hoping & praying that things would change and he would be happy. Always trying to make him happy and walking on egg shells.
My body got ill and told me to leave to survive. Once I packed that bag and left there was no stopping me. It’s now over (timeframe removed by Moderator) months, I’m divorced and trying to sell our house so we can get on with our lives. I live out of bags in different accommodation, return when hf not there and end up doing jobs. Feel uneasy in house as almost forget whats happened. I’m over 55 tired and scared about my future and making wrong decisions.
I don’t miss him and feel guilty for being able to erase him.from.my life so quickly after so long together.
Stay strong ladies and keep on going xx 💪😍
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Ii hear you,Sad & Alone. The self loathing at still being stuck is crippling. I’m hoping it’ll help you to know it took me (number removed by Moderator) long years. But it’s NEVER too late. Ever. Each time you try is a step towards freedom & happiness. If i can do it,eventually,i know that you can too when the opportunity comes when you’re ready. Don’t lose hope.i
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I didn’t put up with it for as long as some people here but my situation escalated very quickly. The minute we moved in together he changed overnight and it was constant every day due to his alcohol addiction. If its affecting your health please give leaving serious thought. I’ve been suffering mystery illness throughout the year and weight loss. It was then I hid an emergency bag but took 3 months to use it. I’ve been away a number of weeks and head is slowly starting to make sense. Try and document things, brightsky app is good and safe for this. You’ll need as much evidence as you can.
Keep reading stories here for strength, it helps.
Good luck
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I left almost immediately after we moved in together… for less than (timeframe removed by Moderator). Then I went back. Then I left again after a few years of constant verbal abuse… and then I went back on it within the same conversation. I am now trying to leave again, but our financial situation makes it very difficult. Thankfully, we’re in a much better place than we were and the worst of the abuse has mostly stopped. Stupidly, that is why I think I finally have the mental space and strength to try and do something about it before it starts again. But this time I have been much more open with my family and I know that I have support if I need to leave suddenly. All of this is making a difference and I hope this time, it will stick.
It’s not easy, finances and our own gaslighting and vulnerability is all a part. You are doing the best you can with what you have. I hope that even if you’re not out yet, you can see how much you’re doing every day to keep yourself as safe as possible ❤️
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