How long til I’ve really moved on

[Walker123]

I’ve been (number removed by Moderator) months out of an abusive relationship, he sexually abused me, controlled and manipulated using lies and gaslighting. I spent my life treading on eggshells, waiting for the next temper. Although in between we did have some good times.

He is now posting on social media about his new relationship and how special it is, making thinly veiled barbed comments aimed at me. I’ve stopped looking but feel so very hurt. How could he move on so quickly? He told me I was the love of his life. Logically I know it was a twisted version of love so why am I so very hurt by all this?

[minimeerkat]

our healing journeys are so individual.  be kind to yourself.  maybe because of seeing/reading what you have has made you question your progress thats all

i have read & heard how devastating it can be for women who see their ex partners declaring ‘undying love’ for someone new.  and it is very common for these ex partners to be doing it intentionally to wound.  but the thing is how real is it all & how much is a performance

its only natural to feel hurt after seeing/reading what you have.  and is it possible it has made you realise that your feelings were genuine – you were completely honest about how you felt.  i had those exact same words said to me (maybe many others have too) but eventually i had no choice but to see that this persons actions didnt match their words.  stay strong.  sending you a hug x

[Cherries]

Hi, walker.

Remember, he likely said these things to you too i think. Outside appearances are rarely what they seem.

Everyone thought my ex was a fantastic guy. Very well liked. All of our friends ditched me in the divorce. The reality was he sexually abused me. Often. He hit me. He cheated on me. He made me wear his clothes so no other would look at me. He made me live on a shoestring budget to control me financially. He was EVERY kind of abusive. To the outside eye…top guy. I was the love of his life.

This was (number removed by Moderator) odd years ago and trust me he isn’t on here looking for me so please don’t moderate any of this.

So you can’t see what’s actually going on there. He’s as fake as he ever was. It hurts, I know.

But good people don’t make barbed comments, thinly veiled or otherwise to hurt people. Despite the abuse I’ve struggled with I’ve never felt the need to do that. He’s showing you here he hasn’t changed. its just a game to him. Still trying to score points.

They move on so quickly because they are not emotionally invested. They’re just on the take. Emotional investment hurts when it all goes t*ts up.

Im sitting here not too long out of my last relationship.  Now he WAS the love of my life. And he hasn’t asked me to go back.

Fair enough I asked for no contact for a specific amount of time but you know my ego and pride are a wee bit hurt that he’s not actually blowing my phone up.

We just have to learn to breathe through it. Things WILL sting sometimes and that’s just life and nobody said it would be easy. If you love…life hurts sometimes.  It doesn’t mean we should seek to go back though, you know?

I learned from my situation currently I am very needy. Its not great to leave an abuser and be dismayed they’re not heartbroken and chasing you. I should be relieved. Its revealing the work I have to do. That what Im seeking from him (choose me miss me love me) I have to find within myself.

Breathe. Allow yourself the tears. Its ok to be hurt and you don’t have to make it go away and you don’t have to feel happy. It happened. It was sh*t and it will pass.

Im also learning apparently I have a mouth like a sailor these days.

Who knew!

😆

[Walker123]

Thanks so much for your reply, it makes perfect sense. He is and always a fake, he used me to fulfil his dreams, living off my hard work and finances while happily telling everyone every single detail of anything he did ‘for me’ – usually things I didn’t actually want. He’s bitter now because I’ve proved I don’t need him and am, certainly to the outside world, doing better than I ever was with him. Not that I feel the need to post on social media about it but his family are still very much in touch with me and he will I’m sure hear this.

i guess it just takes time as you say to recover if you were the person that actually really did love and care. I don’t wish him well with his new relationship, I actually pity her as I’m sure in time he’ll do the same to her. His ex has let him move back in there despite him leaving many years ago and now seeing someone else. I guess that says it all about the respect he has for women.

A mouth like a sailor, that did make me laugh 😆. I too could give any sailor a run for their money when the mood takes me 🤣

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