- This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 day, 11 hours ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
I am in a (detail removed by Moderator) year marriage which over the last (detail removed by Moderator) years have been rocky to say the least all because of beer and how I’m living with Jeckel and Hyde. Loving and attentive until he hits the (detail removed by Moderator) daily.
He then becomes verbally abusive, he controls who I speak to, not allowed to speak to my son and grandchildren, they all stopped talking to me (detail removed by Moderator). He’s been rude and abusive to my elderly parents. I called the police on him (detail removed by Moderator).
Hes always sorry! Never happen again etc.
(detail removed by Moderator) I tried to leave but he caught me and pushed me back.
He is now saying the usually sorry etc but also saying he is going tee total, because he doesn’t want to live without me.
Hes written messages to my (detail removed by Moderator) apologising and (detail removed by Moderator) accepted.
im in absolute turmoil
-
Hi AIRBUSA380,
Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting to share what you’re going through.
It can be really confusing when an abuser is apologising and making promises to change. It’s understandable that you’re in turmoil right now. You don’t owe him anything, including not owing him the chance to use these promises of change to keep you from leaving. Abusers will blame whatever they can for their behaviour, he’s blaming it on alcohol as if stopping drinking will stop the abuse, but it’s a choice he makes about how to treat you. It may be that he uses alcohol to make it easier to perpetrate abusive acts, some abusers need to build themselves up to an incident, but his drinking is not the cause of the abuse.
I am so sorry that he’s involved a third party in his attempts to make you stay. It must be very hurtful that that person has accepted the apology while you continue to be subjected to abuse. The decision whether to leave or stay should be yours alone, it’s not okay to physically assault you to prevent you leaving or to try to guilt you into staying by saying he doesn’t want to live without you. Unfortunately, it’s our experience that abusers don’t change their behaviour and promises around this are short-lived tactics to keep their control. If you’d like some ongoing support, which could involve help planning steps to leave safely if that’s what you want to do, you could reach out to your local domestic abuse service.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
-
Unfortunately this is a cycle that just doesn’t stop (until you can leave). I lived through the turmoil you describe and I’m really sorry that you’re going through this right now. I did the freedom programme and read multiple books (Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft is brilliant) and of course this forum helped me greatly. My ex was an alcoholic too and I never knew which mood of his moods I was getting to get one minute to the next towards the end of it. Keep posting and try to do any thing no matter how small that you can for yourself x
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
