How to explain to friends so they can understand

[PopPetal]

I find it hard to find a way to explain to friends why I stayed in the relationship, continued to send loving texts and even had sex with him.  I realise I was minimising his behaviour, in denial and trying to find a safe time to exit, but looking at it from the outside I think people who haven’t experienced it don’t understand.   I feel my friends lack respect for how I didn’t do anything sooner and challenge why I didn’t ask them for help but kept the abuse a secret.   Can anyone help to put into words how to explain to them as I’ve now escaped the relationship but don’t want to lose my friends!

[bluebird28]

i have a friend who i know doesnt respect me cos i left him and went back and other people dont understand why we do but its not as easy as they think, until they have walked your shoes, each one is differnt too, i find it hard as i cant talk to people about it and even my own grown up kids side with him even thought he has treated them bad, its what we do as humans i guess

[Meerkatlover2025]

I kept it secret cause I was trying to make it work as he kept saying ‘if I could just do this or that we’d be a happy couple etc we’d move in together and have kids’ I felt on edge etc knew something was wrong but I just thought we was both struggling and we’d fix it. I didn’t know until the last second what it was then it was over I still haven’t told some people because I feel like a failure and people will judge me just cause I couldn’t make it work no matter I did, and the fact others around me are seeming to have normal relationships with there partners or settling and having kids, I’m just not even ready to admit it to myself yet? I couldn’t take judgement plus I’m worried if I tell them some of the things he did for instance to pull me back the one time he told me he (incident details removed by Moderator). It’ll just look like I’m making it up.

[StrongLife]

I kept it a secret because I was far too scared of repercussions of telling someone and possibly further abuse from him if something went wrong. When I did say something to someone it was clearly quietly /hidden.

Just say to friends you were in a bad situation and need time to get out and that it was not your fault but his.

 

[Lillies]

Hi, I feel in a similar situation to you. I honestly believe unless you’ve been in some sort of situation yourself it’s difficult to explain to anyone how you truely felt. Friends are amazing though and hopefully if they are true friends they will support you regardless. Stay strong but also try talking to them anyway and just be honest. Talking can be hard and from my situation I still am embarrassed that I let it continue for so long which makes it hard for people to believe what my ex was like because I tried for years to protect him, make excuses for things he said and done and now it’s hard to tell the truth because friends seen him as a nice person but it was all just a show.

Stay strong though and I advise getting some counselling if you can as they help you to build up a little self confidence and help you to know how to explain things to people around you. Leaving an abusive relationship is hard! (After leaving abuse you really do look at things differently) But proud of you for surviving and gaining the strength to leave.
Stay strong and just be honest with your friends, you don’t need to hide it anymore you deserve happiness.

Take care.

[StrongLife]

You are strong to leave.

I too agree with above as to how difficult it is to leave, from housing, funds, fleeing, legal and then repercussions of stalking/harassment. The emotional and financial impacts are huge.

 

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