How to go?

[Stayingstrong]

Hi, im new on here, don’t really know what to say really, I just feel all alone and stuck, it’s making me ill, I can’t sleep or eat. I just want to leave!! I have 2 kids and married, one kid isn’t his and he is soooo nasty to him, I can’t cope. But if I stay stop being like that to him then my husband flips out at me, How did everyone else manage to leave? I liv n a council house with my husband and 2 kids, my husband won’t leave home, won’t split up , just gets abusive whenever I mention anything at all about it, grabs and takes my phone,iPad etc off me and demands the passwords or he will smash them. I just want to escape from it all but really don’t know how? I’ve got no one to go to. Please any help would be useful thank you

[Lisa]

Hi Stayingstrong,

Welcome to the Forum and thank you for posting. It must have taken a lot of courage to reach out for support so I hope you find the Forum helpful.

Your husband sounds very abusive to you and your children. You don’t have to go through this alone, you are already taking steps towards being free from abuse. Are you in contact with any support agencies or have the police ever been involved?

The 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline (0808 2000 247) is a good source of support. They can discuss options based on your circumstances, and can look for refuge space for you and your children if that is an option you would consider? Refuge is safe, confidential and supportive accommodation away from your local area so your husband would not know where you are.

You might also find it helpful to contact your local support group for ongoing emotional and practical support. You can find your local group here Your local group may have a dedicated children’s service to help your children as well.

You are doing the right thing by finding out your options. You and your children deserve to live without abuse and fear. You are doing brilliantly, keep reaching out for support to end the cycle of abuse towards you and your children.

Keep posting to us when you can, there will always be support here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Ayanna]

Hi, do you have neighbours who hear the noise and would testify for you and even call the police when they hear noise?
Take pictures of the things he smashes if you can. Do not throw away anything he smashes. Ensure to keep his fingerprints on the broken things by handling them carefully.
Abusers typically smash the belongings of their victims.
Does he threaten you?
You could do a silent 999 call when he goes off and let the police trace the call. He will be removed from the flat and then you can quickly get an occupation order for a year and a non molestation order.
Speak to the NCDV how to do this. They are brilliant.
When the occupation order lasts a year he can be removed from the tenancy contract and the flat is yours alone.

I just give you the legal bits to make you aware of things you can do.

If he his too dangerous you are better off to call the police asap and go into a refuge and stay somewhere where he cannot find you. Sometimes a new start is the safest and best option.

Children are involved and children suffer abuse. That is a high risk situation.

Start with Rights of Women and Women’s Aid to make a plan.

You can also speak to the police, to the local DV officer about this.
You can report this to your GP. Your children’s health needs to be paramount.

Make sure your abuser does not know that you make enquiries.
Abuse gets worse when the abuser knows that the victim takes action.

Do not feel sorry for him.
He chooses to be like that. He is an adult and can make decisions about his behaviour.
None of what he does to you and your children is your fault.

I am glad you posted here.
Keep posting.
We are all here for you.

[Confused123]

Hey call the help line on this site, they can call u back, if they dont call u back same day, call again as they can only return calls within 24 hours then u have to try again, ask your gp for local d v support agencies, speak to them and they will help you make an escape plan, if u have two kids and he is abusive and threating, u have more right to the house then him, there are ways to get him removed , get a support worker to guide u, worst scenario go into refuguee and pay a smal amount , i think is 60 per week but u would have to check . once you speak to a professional or support gency they help u and the support gives u strength to mke a decision

[Lisa]

Hi Stayingstrong,

I just wanted to see how you and your children are doing? Did you manage to call the Helpline or contact your local group?

Let us know how you are doing when you are able to.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Author]

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