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    • #154172
      Twix
      Participant

      Ex has returned to the house today after weeks of no contact stating he’s moving back in but doesn’t want to sell the house. I can’t stop him with being joint owners, just need to take steps to keep safe when he does move back in. Tried reeling me into conversation about what’s happened & how he feels instead of focusing on discussing childcare & selling the house. He recorded the whole conversation & states he’s had someone watching the house & seen blokes coming & going! it’s all delusional & entirely untrue, nobody has been to my house. I’ve since discovered from friends the extent of his behaviour before he was removed from the property & it reenforces my belief that he’s suffering from another psychotic episode that’s not going to get better without him being on meds. I’m staying strong not getting reeled into conversation about anything but childcare & house arrangements but it will be difficult being under the same roof if he can’t control his beliefs & outbursts. Just want to fast forward through this next phase or for him to move out & then it’d be easier to manage. I feel I’m going to be living on pins waiting for something to happen. I can’t afford to move out others I would. Any suggestions from anyone who has lived together whilst selling up on how to get through it?! I’m all ears!

    • #154177
      tiredofitall
      Participant

      I could have written the same thing tonight! I’m divorcing my husband after many years. He is a n********t, an addict and a bully. I told him about (detail removed by Moderator) months ago…one day I’d just had enough. I font think he believed me at first but I took obvious steps – set myself up to live and sleep in another room. Started the divorce proceedings and got an estate agent to value the house. All he had to do was object but I insisted it would happen even if it was left to the courts to enforce. I did not want to be married to him any more. During these last (detail removed by Moderator) months or so he has left (detail removed by Moderator) to go stay with family. Mainly because he can’t hold a job so is always looking for an easy option. He’s been gone a while this time but I always knew he’d come back. Because until the sale goes through he can legally be here. So I got the dreaded call (detail removed by Moderator) to say he’ll be back (detail removed by Moderator). I wanted to burst into tears – I feel so sad and angry. The kids feel the same. I’m hoping that it will only be another month till the house sale goes through and then I’ll be free.
      I will say that living together and going through this is the hardest thing I’ve done because he is not an easy man to live with. I just try and avoid him as much as possible, stay in my own space and try not to be drawn into his arguments. Sounds to me like you are doing all you can.
      I feel your pain, I want to get to the other side too.
      Let’s hope that in the near future we’ll be celebrating our freedom on here too. Stay strong x

    • #154188
      Twix
      Participant

      Thanks tiredofitall it’s such a lengthy process to go through & with children in the mix it adds to the stress. You sound like you’ve been incredibly strong getting to this point & I hope I have the same ability to keep going & get through it. Like you say it’s not getting drawn into their attempts to get into your head, but maintaining a focus on discussing only what needs to be talked about. He’s still controlling me by not agreeing to tell our child about the divorce yet, it has to be when he feels it’s right, it’s like he asked for the divorce but doesn’t really want it which again points to his declining mental health. I just know I’ve taken all I can & don’t want to stay in a relationship where I’m waiting on the next time something happens. That’s not living, only surviving & life is too short for that xx

    • #154189
      tiredofitall
      Participant

      I completely agree Twix, it has taken so much longer than I thought it would and it has been so hard but I just try and stay focused on the ‘after’ and think about all the years I’ve suffered and been miserable and scared and think I can get through this last push.
      My husband has told me for years how unhappy he is, with me, with where we live, our neighbours but the minute I made the decision he’s turned it all around and it’s like I’m taking something from him he’s loved and nurtured.
      He doesn’t have any ability to approach this like an adult and that makes it hard. The last time he left he was extremely dominating, shouting in my face, playing music really loud, banging doors. It was pretty scary and he had no thought to how the children felt. He was angry and we needed to know it. But he won’t ever accept that was wrong. And that is where we are.
      You are doing great – I know it’s hard but it will be worth it.
      And you are right, life is too short and we deserve better.

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