How to trust

[Heythere]

I left my ex a while ago, before lockdown I began seeing someone new. The new guy, He rings no alarm bells, is a kind caring soul who does everything to ensure I feel safe and secure. I have no worries but I just can’t trust him (he’s given me no reason not to, all he’s given me is reasons to trust him so why aren’t I?)

He has a few women mates, who im yet to meet due to lockdown, why am I so paranoid, how do I learn to trust, how do I begin to treat my new man the way he deserves?

Help….he does everything to try to make me trust him but my brain just panics because of what my ex did to me….

[Darcy]

Hi my beautiful angel … Heythere,
What I am getting is that you cannot trust anyone else before you trust yourself.
Do you really trust your own judgement and decision making, if not, why not, where does this come from?
It may take some digging deep to find out, but before we can trust anyone, we have to trust ourselves.
Going into another relationship before doing the work on yourself is not going to be easy and can draw in the same abusive patterns as before …we are abusing ourselves by not giving ourselves the self respect, the self love and the self care we deserve.
I would highly recommend that you take the focus off him for a minute and turn it onto you… what are your needs in all of this?
I recommend a book by Iyanla Vanznat, called Trust … she also has a lot of videos on youtube. I also recommend Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life
My darling you need to put the work in for you from the inside and not look for love as an external source
Sending you love and support
Darcy xx

[Anonymous]

Thanks for writing this. I need to start trusting myself too. It is hard after the brainwashing and guilt that happens in an abusive relationship. I find that understanding their tactics helps in the recovery because it takes the blame off of us. I hope that if I ever meet someone I want to be with, I’ll be able to trust and be intimate after all I’ve been through.
I like that you have recommended books that focus on ourselves and our recovery.
I will be looking up the books you recommended.
Thanks again. And best wishes.

Hi Heythere,
I hope the best for you in your current relationship. I think it’s good to be cautious. And trust yourself that if he ever did anything abusive you would know it this time around.
I recently bought a book called ‘The Body Keeps the Score mind, brain and body in the transformation of trauma’ by Bessel Van Dee Kolk. I haven’t read it, but the reviews looked good.
Xx

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