How helpful is going over the abuse years after?

[Eve1]

I’m feeling close to tears all the time today. I know it’s partly this covid recovery that’s taking time. I’ve got things I’m doing for that now but only for the last few days so I’ll have to see if that works. I think it’s also because I have a WA worker calling me weekly now, which I appreciate, but sometimes the conversation is very triggering. She really just rings for a chat and to check on me, I think but sometimes the conversation is a bit deeper. Yesterday we spoke about the nature of the abuse I suffered being mainly psychological and coercive control and it was good to say out loud to someone who understood what happened. But because it was many, many years ago, and in a way I think I’ve already dealt with this, I don’t know how helpful this is. In the moment it helps to validate that I could have done nothing different, couldn’t have held on to the house, couldn’t fight him over finances, but then today because I feel low, it’s somehow taken me back to how I felt then. I feel I’m no better off for leaving him. It’s frustrating. And because of covid and other things I feel like I’m not moving forward at all, right now. And I think the ‘stuck feeling’ is bringing up feelings of having been here before and I question if I’m ever going to fully move on and feel any better, permanently, like I’ve got things sorted?

Just getting this off my chest is helpful.

Thanks
Eve

[Eggshells]

Hi Eve,

I hope that you will be able to move on.

If you are finding the conversations triggering then please don’t be afraid to tell your keyworker. It sounds like she is trying to help but even my trauma counseller wouldn’t go too deeply with my emotions and she is a trained professional. She said it simply wasn’t safe given the short course of therapy and that it was over the phone.

There will be a time and a place to tackle any residual emotions that you have but this may not be the right time for you. xx

[Hazydayz]

Morning Eve1. Hope today is a better day for you? I do relate to an awful lot of what you shared! I don’t yet have a councillor to work through stuff, but like you, I’ve felt confused because… I too think sometimes, that’s a long time ago what happened! And I’ve sorted in my head? The understanding of what happened? But our emotions don’t get the same attention? I don’t think! I think? we had to shelve them! To try to move on, and maybe it’s being looked at again now and again brings the pain home to us? I guess the counseling is about the long-term? Getting it all sorted? I have heard it said…it feels worse, before it feels better? With Councelling. If this helps? But I see also, Eggshells has offered a good reply to you. Very best of luck to you dealing with it all! My turn soon! 💞

[Eve1]

Thank you both. I know the WA worker is very much guided by me and what I want to talk about, and I suppose it’s not counselling as such, and there is a helpful element to speaking about my experience, but we don’t know how it’s going to affect us until we’ve done it, do we? Very difficult. She did say if I need her again to ring, but that’s not always possible. And I know what your saying about talking on the phone not being as good as face to face, eggshells. It’s worth taking that into account.

I think you’re right about the emotional side, Hazydays. In the recent past when feeling like this I’ve taken myself off for a walk but that’s more difficult now, with recovering from covid I have to make sure I’m conserving energy. And also today, when I feel a bit like a bit of fresh air, the weather is shocking!

Thanks again to both

Love
Eve
x

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