I always feel guilty

[beepboop]

Why is it that I feel constantly guilty? I try and be the perfect person for him but it constantly feels like I make the wrong choices (what I say, how I act, how I do things…). He says he just gets irritated easily, but I feel like I live in constant fear of disappointing him, having to justify myself, and having to have the same opinions as him at all times. I’ve changed so much, and I’ve put my morals and values on the side so many times just to agree so we wouldn’t argue, but I still pass as the bad person. It’s slowly killing me to live in fear and doubt of myself. I used to think I was a good person. Now I constantly second guess myself as a horrible person that’s never enough.

[Lisa]

Hi beepboop,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing about how you’re feeling. I hope you find it helps to share support here with other women who understand.

It isn’t your fault that you’re feeling constantly guilty, his behaviour is designed to deliberately make you feel this. The fact that you’ve had to change your behaviour so much to try and avoid his abuse shows how controlling he is. You deserve to be free to live as you choose and according to your own morals and values. You are enough. Abusers constantly change the goalposts to find new things to be abusive around. His behaviour is a choice he’s making about how to treat you to give himself power and control, it’s not about who you are as a person.

If you need any guidance on using the forum you can find this in the Forum Guidelines and FAQs. If they don’t answer your question then please feel free to message me.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service. They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you.

Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.

Best wishes,

Lisa
(Forum Moderator)

[Author]

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