I am pathetic I know.

[nbumblebee]

I am pathetic I know and my problem os a tiny stupid one but I dont know who to turn too.

So ive said b4 how my husband is being ok but now i have this male friend who seems to be very bad for me. Well new incident.

Husband is taking me away 5 star posh place fab. This man has said how can i say how bad my husband treats me when he does things like this for me?

God it made me so mad. Little does he know that husbabd said jokingly that i am not allpwed to say no to any sexual desires he may have or I will ruin the holiday. Now he said this as a joke but I know I know he means it Ive been here many times before. Yes i am lucky to go away yes i am grateful but it comes at a price.

Now as a group this other man belings to we all should be out for dinner for a bday i was going but hubby wasnt happy so im not going now. This other man has told me how im letting the bday person down and how could I.

I tried to explain that hubby isnt too happy and that sometimes we have to choose our battles i went out a while ago so didnt wanna lush it. But this other man has made me again feel like poop.

Guilt I feel guilt all the time every second of every day I feel guilty.

I feel i have to explain myself to everyone so they dont hate me.

Anyone know why? Does anyine else think Im bad? Im selfish? Im ungrateful? Should i really be taking a look at myself here???

[Eyesopening]

Hey darling, can I ask why are you friends with this man who makes you feel guilty, he sounds just like another abuser in your life which you don’t need! Get rid of him from your life, when we are in abuse we can find so much more abuse, like we are a magnet.. so be on the look out for kind considerate female friends and stick with them, if someone makes you feel bad, they are not your friend.

protect yourself, put yourself first, no one else matters.

[nbumblebee]

I have tried to get away ive gotten way to close and week after week he makes me feel bad. He says he trying to make me be responcible for my actions to see im also wrong at times. He says he thinks i love living a miserable life because i wont change it.

Am I? Have i let others down due to protecting myself? Do n**c husband do nice things sometimes? Is this all on me?

[NotYourMaid]

@nbumblebee

You’re not pathetic. You’re hurting. Those two things aren’t the same. And there is nothing wrong with protecting yourself. You should protect yourself! Protecting yourself is extremely important. You haven’t done anything wrong.

And I agree with @Eyesopening . You have not 1, but 2 abusive men right now in your life.

It’s true that sometimes people in our life say things that make us comfortable in order to get us to accept responsibility for our actions. But it doesn’t sound like that’s what that guy is doing. What he’s saying, and what he’s doing aren’t matching up. He says that he’s just trying to help you, but what he’s doing is making you feel bad. Making you feel bad just equals hurting you.

And yes, narc husbands do in fact, do nice things. They do nice things, then they hurt us. Then weirdly we get blamed for being hurt. While in reality it wasn’t our fault.

Also, taking you to a nice hotel while threatening you sexually as a joke, isn’t actually being nice. It’s being a horrible person. And you don’t have to be grateful. You don’t have to be grateful for being hurt. If it came with no strings attached, no creepy threats, no expectations on his part, then yes, it be healthy to be grateful. But that’s not what’s happening in the situation that you just described.

It’s not your fault. You’re not pathetic.

[nbumblebee]

Thank you so much xxxx

[nbumblebee]

Some days this other man gets me to a point where I doubt all that I am trying to be. Im trying so hard to be stronger to set boundries with my husband to not fight back but to not allow the hurt anymore yet this friend if mine shoots me down each time i try by telling me that I enjoy being this way that I enjoy having something to moan about. Maybe he is right maybe i do but doesnt mean its right does it? Doesnt mean i dont need help? None of this is easy living with what we do living with abuse throughout my life the guilt the pain its not easy is it? Am I happy? No I dont think I am but I try to be I really do.

[Eyesopening]

Please do not listen to this man, He is abusing you, go no contact with him, one abusive husband is enough to deal with. You owe this man Absolutely nothing. That’s really important to remember. Protect yourself. Put yourself first. it will be a leap of faith, you will feel guilt and other feelings, but you have to trust in yourself that you did the right thing. Those feelings will pass x

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