I am struggling

[pearl00]

I am going through some stuff that is totally out of my hands now. my ex raped me and mentally abused me, he was very Suttle on how he came across. I am not going to go into all that. My case is good for the evidence side of things and they are sending it to the CPS. He has a further extension on his bail. I did not go to the police for ages because I didn’t want him to be in trouble. And I blamed myself. However, did tell many people witch has helped my case.

I am struggling so mush , my emotions are all over. And he will know this. However, still love him so very much. He has turned up in the Town we always use to met up in and met at this certain place on a number of occasions. We never lived together. He has no reason to be at this place anymore . (detail removed by moderator). further more, I mentioned it a few times (detail removed by moderator) And he knows I have to go there a lot.
He had opened up a new account on (detail removed by moderator) , liked my post , I opened it and saw all these horrible things about me. Then further down he would say how much he loved me etc. He misses me etc. The police can not do anything as my name was not on the posts. ridiculous, I know. Then the final one was He showed up in The Town again, with a new lady. When he saw me coming he put his (detail removed by moderator). That broke me. How can someone be so cruel. Everyone would think I am mad to still loving him after everything he did.

I am that close to unblocking him and looking on his social media. I so what to know about this girl. And see if he has said anything else. my close friends have blocked him too, as we all will go mad with looking and we have to be carful. I told the police I am worried about the girl also. I need to stay strong but don’t know how to.

He blamed my mental health for everything.

I really think has some very bad mental health issues, as I will never understand some of the ways he acted and thought. It will take me such a long time to get close and sexual with anyone. I am a mess.

He is not English, so again, I am worried that will go against me as CPS will have to be carful with culture and farness. And it may explain some of his behavior’s. not the Rape as that has no price on anything he has ruined me as a person.

Any guidance would be most appreciated

[Lisa]

Hi pearl00,

Welcome to the forum. Thank you for posting and sharing how you’re feeling. I’m sorry that you’re struggling so much right now but glad that you’ve found this forum as a place to get some support.

How you’re feeling is normal given what you’ve been through. Experiencing domestic abuse can intensify the bond with the abuser and many women struggle with ongoing feelings of love towards an abuser despite having recognised the abusive behaviours. Although painful, it’s positive that you can see that he will know that your emotions are heightened and confused. It sounds like he’s used social media and visits to places he know you’ll be to play on those emotions as a continuation of his abuse.

You mention him possibly having mental ill-health and that being behind his behaviour. He may have mental ill-health, but this does not cause abuse. Abuse is a choice that the abuser makes about how they’re going to treat someone in order to maintain power and control over that person. It’s really important to see this a separate from any other issues such as mental health or cultural differences. By linking abuse to other issues like this, it takes some of the responsibility away from the perpetrator. Women’s Aid believes that abusers are fully responsible for their behaviour. They know what they are doing and are making a choice to behave that way.

It’s great that you have talked to people about what happened. It sounds like your friends are quite supportive, having joined you in blocking him. If you haven’t already reached out to your local domestic abuse service, that’s something you could look into doing. They should be able to offer some ongoing specialist emotional and practical support. You could also look into getting a Non-Molestation Order. This is a type of injunction that will have conditions attached to keep you safe that he’s not allowed to breach or he could be arrested. DV Assist are a specialist injunctions service and could answer any questions you have about this.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[pearl00]

Thank you so much for your reply. I wasn’t sure if it was good idea to write all this on here. But I did as I need some help.

It’s so hard, I just wish I could stop with my emotions. But now I know it’s a normal emotion to go through.

I don’t know how I will get through this as the wait from the CPS will be the hardest.

Thank you again

[Twisted Sister]

Hi pear100

I will keep everything crossed for you that the CPS will take this forward, and once convicted you should receive a lifetime non-molestation from him.

I hope that your love for him that is causing you so much pain right now will soon fade as you see the real him and the depths of his cruelty to you. As you can see, his behaviours are designed to be as cruel as possible to you, but he will be cruel to any other woman too. Any man capable of doing this to one woman, will be doing it to others too, and yes, the police should be aware of her so that she can be on their radar as she’s at risk from him also.

I hope you hear soon from the CPS, I think there is only like 24-48 hours in which they have to make a decision to charge or not.

Keep safe, and look after yourself.

warmest wishes

ts

[pearl00]

24hours , that is very fast. Thank you , it’s so hard but I will keep fighting

[Author]

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