I can feel my mental health deteriorating

[Driftingalong]

Hi ladies , I use this sight a lot for reassurance that I am not alone I don’t often post but can really identify with your posts and have a lot of admiration for the courage that you all show, I am in need of a little advice please, I am still with my abuser and just recently I feel like my mental health is taking a downward turn, I am acting out of character and feeling anxious when I think of how I have behaved mainly due to alcohol which I drink when I go out with him but I am not a hardened drinker so it goes to my head really quickly , I am losing my fighting spirit and self respect and pride, he is more abusive when I have been drinking and regularly just leaves me I have even slept in my car as I can’t get home and he has taken my belongings but I am so drunk I can’t make rational decisions at the time, has anyone else experienced anything similar . I know I can’t carry on like this I’m destroying myself xx thanks for reading

[Serenity]

Hi Drifting Along,

Yes, abuse takes a massive toll on your mental and emotional – as well as physical- health.

We end up on high alert, anxious and muddled.

We can’t escape reacting, nor should we blame ourselves for reacting. We are human, not robots or cardboard cut-outs. I read once that being with an abuser is like being a frog placed in a pan of warm water: when we enter the relationship, we feel all warm and fuzzy because of the abuser’s charm, like the frog feels like he’s in a comfortable bath; but the abuser turns up the heat gradually over time ( increases the abuse ), so like the frog, we don’t realise we’re slowly being boiled. Then we feel paralysed and powerless to do anything.

I guess if I was to ask you why you are still with him, your answer might be that you don’t know how to extricate yourself from the situation, that he’s made you think you can’t leave, or you’ve lost confidence.

You can’t do this alone. You need support.

The best thing I ever did was call Women’s Aid. From that day, it was recognised that I was a victim of abuse, and I was catapulted towards help and support. I could not have got through it otherwise.

Is it possible for you to contact them?

I think a number of victims turn to alcohol to numb reality or to cope with their situation. I know I began to drink rather more than I ever had as his abuse increased. It’s because you feel there is no softer reality for you- but there is a gentler and softer reality, away from him, where you can receive support and don’t need to undergo daily abuse.

Big hugs x

[Birdy]

Hi there,

Sorry to hear you are going through this. Don’t loose your fighting spirit. It will
Be in there somewhere.

I am in ‘one’of those relationships. This is th first time I’ve replied and even post d. I read a lot of the posts when I’m at my worst but then as things get better I don’t look at this site for a few days.

[Driftingalong]

Hello Serenity, thank you for taking the time to read my post and replying in such a way that makes so much sense, I have reached out b4 and got the right support but sadly went back, unfortunately the abuse has got worse and the nice face of my abuser has completely dropped off he is showing crystal clear true colours, I will get the support because you are right I can not do this alone and friends think it’s really easy to leave, the hardest thing I find to conquer is the gas lighting when I go no contact it wears me down and I give in eventually, so back to the drawing board for me and taking control of my life again and getting the help I need x thanks again for your reply xx love and hugs

[Driftingalong]

Hello Birdy, I feel very touched that like me you read the posts and don’t put yourself out there for support too that we really need and that you have responded to my post. I appreciate you taking the time to respond and show me some support, maybe it will help you if you post more but I know you can only do that when things get so bad and then we reach out, I will keep an eye out for you and I can hopefully give you some kind words of encouragement too, like you have to me x*x big hugs x*x

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