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I feel so mentally exhausted.
I cannot do anything right.
– I move stuff when it was there for a reason (even if tidying up from stuff left in middle of room)
– I try help when it isn’t wanted
– I make him repeat himself 50x a day (even if double checking if he is sure he dont want dinner)
– My son doesn’t do enough learning when I am working from home (hes (age removed by Moderator))
– If I skip a bath 1 night for our little one due to being out till late or busy at work – I am putting them to bed dirty and need to stop
– I have dropped hours at work to give more time to my little one and now I am wrong for doing that as I will earn less money
I am feeling so deflated, I don’t even argue anymore, I just apologise but then I feel like a scorned child as he will silent treatment me or give me 1 word answers and half the time I don’t even know why I apologise as I haven’t done anything wrong other than try to be a good wife & Mum.
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I’m so sorry to hear that, Minnie. I’ve felt similar to what you’re going through and it really is frustrating. There is no justification for how bad someone treats you when you make “mistakes” which to be honest, it sounds like you’re putting in so much work in just showing up and trying everyday. I wish abuser logic was clear, why everything just seems to be wrong in their eyes. I hope you know that you aren’t, though š
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Thank you ā Iām dropping from full time to part time to spend more time with our little one but yet it never feels enough for him.
im soo drained & feel like when he isnāt around im a different person & live for the days heās at work & gym or out
I wished I could say I knew that I wasnāt doing everything wrong! I tell myself Iām doing everything I can but then he just seems to make me feel like o aināt
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Hi Minnie
I am really sorry to hear how you’re husband is treating you. You have done nothing wrong and don’t need to apologise all the time. He is in the wrong, not you.
My ex husband was exactly the same with me. Silent treatment all the time for no reason. So when he worked from home l would stay out of the house as much as possible, just go avoid him. My children were at school, I always picked them up.
Little things used to get him angry with me and then the silent treatment. I agree with you it is mentally draining.
The best part of our marriage was when he worked away for (number removed by Moderator) nights.,,, I could finally breathe again, sit in the living room, listen to my music. Then when he was due home I had to have the house spotless, nothing out of place. I have chronic pain with my back, depression and anxiety.
He could only work away because I was stay at home Mum, so we didn’t have to rely on other people for school times etc.Ā It was the worse decision I made, I was only part time and had dropped my hours.
Keep safe. Take care
Sending gentle hugs š¤ x*x
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What use to annoy me was school friends thought I lived the charmed life. He always put on a good front with them, cracking jokes. I didn’t find him funny.. we had 2 nice cars, went on long haul holidays at Xmas and Year. They were awful because of him!!!!! I would always go to bed early after our meals.
When my children got older we had to book 2 rooms so I shared with my daughter. It was great. Not having him dig me in my back when I was sleeping…
I am so happy I got to escape (number removed by Moderator)x from him… He isn’t a good Dad and it gets me so angry. We don’t speak anymore after I had him arrested when he assaulted me. I had to sort out somewhere to live. Whilst I was giving my statement to the police. My son packed all my clothes in 2 big suitcases.,, He treated me like his Dad and I was disgusted with him. So I had to stay in a hotel for (number removed by Moderator) nights and then went to live in a women’s refuge. I had my own flat. I couldn’t tell my parents what happened and get them all stressed out.
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It was so stressful and upsetting, I was alone sorting out somewhere to live.
I did it though.Ā I escaped and glad I did because the abuse was escalating and he has already beat me up after I had my daughter.
We haven’t spoken since that happened… Years. He has got married again (detail removed by Moderator) I really hate him for how he treated me for all the years we was married…
You are not alone.. keep posting
Take care
Xx
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I am so sorry to hear how bad this got for you but am soo happy to hear you finally got away!
I can resonate with so much of what you said- to everyone else we live a perfect life heās an angel around others cannot do enough.
i live for nights heās at gym I feel soo much more at ease – he can be a good dad but also Ā will sit on his phone & ignore them which breaks my heart as our little one only wants his dads attention- our little one isnāt well & cried through bath time & got in such a state so I got him out after I quickly washed him & his words were to our little was (communication removed by Moderator)
it breaks my heart soo much.
I love him but this has only been this bad (timeframe removed by Moderator) maybe and it breaks my heartI think I know Iām going to have to end things but I just canāt bring myself too.
how weak am I!We even have jokes on a wife should do 4 things – (communication removed by Moderator) but if I donāt ājokeā back I canāt take a joke.
thank you for your words xx
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The more time passes since I left my abusive relationship, the more I become sure that abuse is very mundane. Itās not about love, or his problems from his terrible past/wife/ex friends/ girlfriends/boss, or about his high expectations of how things should be. I suspect thatās all complete b******t.
What itās about is getting someone else to do all the hard stuff. All the housework/cooking/child rearing/worrying/caring/social organising/ getting him out of scrapes/ etc, add your own things to this list.
The moaning at us non stop is the way to get us feeling that we just must try harder all the time ( the criticism over something or other never stops by the way, in case youāre wondering. I had decades and it never stopped no matter how much I did).
When I hear about it now I just see these guys cracking a symbolic whip, and us the workhorses.
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You mentioned that you feel a weak person because you stay in the relationship. Leaving an abusive relationship is really hard, When you start to think I need to end the relationship because of how it is affecting yourself mentally but as you say it’s so draining and to face the challenges when you do decide to leave,
You will need support and plans on where to live and to be safe. I got support from IDVA who was brilliant with me when my relationship broke down (timeframe removed by Moderator).
Try and have a look at the Victim’s Support website. There is a lot of information which you may find helpful.
Stay strong and keep going
Take care
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