I can’t cope

[Featheredge]

Hi does anyone else struggle without their children being with them all the time and when the children get upset because mum and dad aren’t together any more? It’s been eating away at me and I feel it will make me go back as I wanted children but didn’t want them part time. It’s killing me. How do we cope with this?
I’m a very hands on mum and the house is empty without them and I detest not seeing them every day. I am their mum! I cannot do this…

[fizzylem]

Give yourself some time to adjust, yes its rubbish when you want them around and theyre with dad, but going back because this is how your kids ‘feel’ is no good reason. Feelings change, they always do, this is just how they feel now because they love you both and do not really understand – how could they? When they are older they will understand why it was better that you parted ways. They just haven’t come to terms and accepted it yet but they will, children adapt well, so long as the parents do too and they get their needs met.

Studies now show us that grown up kids wish their loveless parents had seperated sooner, there is a lot of damage caused living in an unhappy home with rowing parents in a cold atmosphere. If we want our children to have loving, respectful relationships with their partners then we need to show them how this is done and not settle for anything less – or they will settle for this type of relationship too.

You left for you but you also left for your kids, wanted more for yourself and for them. An abuse free home gives them a chance again now, as it can be a warm happy place, a place that holds fond memories now – if you make this so.

Sounds like you are a lovely mum that finds it a pleasure to raise and be with your children, but you are also a friend, maybe a sister? Can you fill the void now by nurturing those other relationships you love? Are there things you’d like to do or learn that you can now? Things you’d like to achieve? Things for you?

If you show them that mum can do this, mum loves others, is kind to her friends, is a wonderful sister; trained to do…Takes good care of herself; made this or whatever it is you achieve as a woman – this will only inspire them and make them proud, it will also show them how to be in the world and how to find happiness, in our relationships with others, in the things we do and in the choices we make.

Strongly suspect going back is not the answer here; would likely only mess with their heads some more yes? And what if you went back and then realised you’d made a mistake? Thinking it’s probably best to draw a line and get the life you really want now instead – and now you’ve left him this is a possibility again now isn’t it – takes a bit of time and work but he’s not there to hold you back now. Saw a quote today, it said, ‘you have a brain and feet in your shoes so you are free to go where ever you choose’ – so true hey.

This is how you ‘feel’ just now too, and this will also pass. Hang in there, you’ve worked hard to get to this point, take a break, give yourself what you need and go for what you really want x

[Bettyboop]

Do not go back. You’ve already come so far you know it was right to leave or you wouldn’t have. It’s hard in the early days and we all wobble. I nearly went back and it would have been a catastrophe. Your children will eventually understand as they get older, like mine did, that it was the right thing to do. It will be tough both now and in the future but you did the right thing for you and your children. Little story: my child announced to me at (detail removed by Moderator) that she wanted to live with her dad because they are so very exciting and shower them with gifts etc and life at home is domestic, boring and routine by comparison. I was heartbroken but kept my head and suggested she spend the 6 week summer holiday with him and then make a decision. I knew exactly what would happen. After 6 weeks she came home and they never spoke to each other again because she saw the reality. Worked rather too well.

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