I can’t function

[Hollapops-]

My boyfriend asked for space (timeframe removed by Moderator). I gave him this. He reached out (timeframe removed by Moderator) wanting to talk and express clarity he had. We arranged a day and I was happy to hear what he wished to communicate.

 

He visited my home. Showered me with compliments and physical contact and saying things like he missed me and loves me. I felt connected and we slept together twice.

 

Later he went cold on me saying we are not back together and he can’t snap back, he’s wary of me, he doesn’t want me at his flat, he needs me to change my behaviour (I have ptsd that I’m currently in therapy for)

 

I feel sick as he then tells me oh by the way I’m going on holiday to (location removed by Moderator) in a few days.

 

I felt used and I also knew it was all fake because he’s planned a convenient planned getaway.

 

I would never consent to throwaway sex. I had to call him before he left for his holiday to ask him for my own clarity. I said I felt used and discarded and felt the coldness and distance from him again and didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore and he instantly said ‘same!’ and proceeded to shout and swear about all my failings as a human

 

Now I’m dealing with this pain whilst he’s in (location removed by Moderator) surrounded by friends who think he is the nicest person on earth

I have nobody. No family and I got made redundant (timeframe removed by Moderator) and in the process of selling a flat that i brought years ago with someone else that was abusive. My life feels so difficult.

I spent so long in the recent relationship accepting things he did to me because he told me it was all my fault

he punched doors, he shouted that I deserved abuse from my ex, he said he understood why all my care givers had given up on me, he drove dangerously whilst I was in the car whilst shouting at me, he told me I’d ruined his life, he told me I’d ruined his home

I accepted I was to blame as my mental health wasn’t great and he got annoyed at me for that

I can’t look in the mirror and have not been able to eat properly since he slept with me. I feel gross. I feel used.

 

i blocked him everywhere but i hate the fact that he’s fairly well known in a paticular (detail removed by Moderator)field and is surrounded by followers who think he’s the greatest person and I hate seeing that popularity

 

I was already vulnerable and I don’t understand why he had to do this to me on his way out the relationship. If he had just told me he didn’t want to be with me’ I would have been fine with that

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