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Im so sorry i had every intention today on posting on the positive section id been so positive last few weeks really changed. Ive been reading the secret a book about the law of attraction about how you can manifest good things in your life by believeing by telling yourself good things. Ive been doing this all week and last week. Feeling so good. Today I had a meeting about exciting future opportunities that would maybe possibly mean a way out a way of earning believing in myself. I was buzzing. But hes been horrible he doesnt know about the meeting those who know my story know he doesnt allow me to work so I kept this to myself.
Yesterday I had a wobble doubted myself hated myself (detail removed by Moderator).
This morning i picked myself up dusted myself down told myself id got this I can do this. Got dressed up got my s**t together to be told meeting is cancelled for a month.
I sat in my car and cried sobbed.
Self doubt came pouring back. I got too ahead of myself too excited too confident this after all is my life and nothing goes to plan nothing goes my way. Im rubbish useless and dont deserve a life i dont deserve a future.
I feel done. Done with fighting done with trying done with being positive I was stupid to think id be wanted was stupid to think I could do it he would hit the roof maybe this is for the best?
I dont mean to feel sorry for myself Im just so sad I just wish for once I could write a positive post that I believed that someone believed in me.
I dont know why im bringing you all down with me im so sorry I really did want to post something positive i even had it all planned out what I was gonna tell you all. I guess this s****y world has other plans for me. X -
Hi lovely lady, nbumblebee,
I get this, I really do, but this is a set back that is out of your control and is nothing personal to you. It doesn’t change who you are or what you have achieved at all, it is just a delay in the meeting to another date. I really understand though that this meeting was a definitive moment in your life, it was about the timing – that today was a day you could really start to plan a new future for yourself after all. Knowing that it’s not going to happen today has set you back and reignited all those negative thoughts about yourself, but that’s all they are… thoughts.
@watersprite recommended a book on here for me to read last week so I ordered it. It’s caused The Happiness Trap and is based around a therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). I’m only in the first few chapters and I’m taking my time and I’m doing the exercises. I’m finding it really helpful. Only two hours ago I read this paragraph…“If you are in a domestic abuse situation, the first step is to accept the reality of the situation and that you need to accept the situation: that you need to take action to protect yourself. The next step is to take action: get some professional help, take legal action, and/or leave the relationship. In order to take this action you will need to accept the anxiety, guilt, and other painful thoughts and feelings that are likely to rise.”
ACT explains that thoughts are just words in your head. If they’re unhelpful we need to recognise they are unhelpful and tell ourselves they are unhelpful. We can’t help our thoughts, they’ll always be there, but we need to recognise the unhelpful ones and put them aside.
The excitement you felt, the confidence, your new abilities – they are still valid, they are still real. Sadly, the timing is just delayed through no fault of your own. Remember the serenity prayer… Accept the things you cannot change, have courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
You have the right to be upset, disappointed and frustrated that things today have not gone to plan. Process those thoughts but don’t let them dictate your future.
Do you really believe you are rubbish and useless? It’s so easy to berate ourselves isn’t it? But think again. How many people have you made happy in your job? How many people at work have told you/shown you are valued? How many posts have you written on here that have made a huge difference to someone else in their time of need/doubt/helplessness/hopelessness?
You are far from rubbish and useless, but at the moment you need to rest. After some rest you will come back fighting fit and strong again. I know you are not giving up 🙂
xx
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Hey Thank you for your time and support. I just feel pants theres no other way to describe it I guess just like ive been run over it just feels like i fight so hard get so far then bang along comes that bus and knocks me down. Im sick of getting up I really am I wonder when its time to just lie down and stop.
But like you said I guess I will get up Im just gonna lie here and cry for a bit. Thank you so much for the support means the world it really does. X
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Hi my lovely. It’s so sad to read your post today. It’s such a contrast to your usual self.
When we live with an abuser we live on a knife edge and it’s all to easy to topple off into the abyss either side.
This is a temporary blip my lovely. You know you are good at what you do – really good! They really appreciate you at work, that comes across loud and clear. They won’t know how much this postponement has affected you. For them it’s just an annoying delay. It will be about other factors, not about you. They haven’t cancelled the meeting, just postponed it – probably due to something beyond their control.
You have built your hopes around this job. Build your hopes around you. Look at how far you have come since you joined the forum. The job has helped your confidence but the core of your strength is you. Your workplace has identified you as a fantastic employee who they want to progress.
Just a thought but if they have seen your potential, other employers will see it too. This one employer is not your only option. You hold the cards honey.
Take some time to recover yourself and settle then take a fresh look at what you’ve already achieved. xx
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Nbumblebee I’m so sorry that you are feeling like this right now. I can completely understand how disappointed you must feel at the set back. It can be so hard when we have pinned our hopes on something and built ourselves up to something for it then to not happen or be delayed.
It sounds like this I’d something completely outside of your control though and that there is still hope to be had, albeit with a bit of a delay.
You are entitled to feel all of those feelings lovely. Cry it out, but please please do not turn on yourself. You already have someone else who does that, you need to be in your corner here. So feel those feelings, let them drain away and don’t turn on yourself.
I completely get those feelings where you wonder if you can keep getting back up after so many setbacks. But you 100 percent can. It is draining, but take some time to care for yourself right now then when you feel ready, straighten that crown and realise that you deserve so many good things. Cos you really really do. If I could reach through the Internet I would offer a massive hug and a hand to pull you back up. Here’s a virtual one in place though 🫂 xx -
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Nbumblebee
I also wanted to send you a virtual hug. You have come so far. Yes you have a set back (completely out of your control) but you are becoming so much stronger and you can do this. Can you take any time just for you today?
Big big hug x -
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