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I left because of abuse but still have to talk because of children I wanted him forgotten but now I’m constantly checking if he’s on.i hate what I’m doing it’s like an addiction I hate him but love him aswell I need to get him off my head he treated me like dirt had loads of woman I never knew about kept me and the kids a secret
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hi mellow, this is so very very hard but please dont beat yourself up. there are many many women feeling exactly how you are, so you are certainly not alone in what you are going through. the only thing that can help is taking each days as it comes, and try to never think that you ‘should’ be further on than you are at all. please dont ever think that you are failing in any way.
the abuse cycle is responsible for your conflicting emotions, as im sure there would have been ‘good times, special times’ – it wouldnt have been hell each & every day from the moment you met him. so its natural to be experiencing these opposing emotions. its so true when you hear & read that its feels like you are a drug addict, and this is because of the many highs & lows you would have gone through, and all the hormones involved.
i know this might sound awful, but they say sometimes it helps a lot to focus on the horrendous things you went through – as this can jolt you out of the craving. i suppose this then helps keep you being more realistic.
you are perfectly normal mellow. just get through today, then get through tomorrow & then get through the next day. because you will. once you are aware of the ‘addiction’ you can be extra kind to yourself & then try to do whatever it takes to alleviate the craving if you can.
keep going. you will be okay x -
p.s. mellow, i wish i knew if there were any options or not regarding having to talk because of the children. could this be done through a 3rd party at all, because it might help you such a lot. i should think every time you have to speak to him it is very triggering, and contributing to the distress & confusion you are experiencing. just a thought, thats all.
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is there a person you trust, a gp, counseller. what about someone from your local domestic abuse service, especially if they offer on-going support when you are out of the relationship. because if there is someone, they can support you with your wish to stop this communication, someone who can confirm it is damaging your mental health. do you think you are trauma bonded &/or have you any symptoms of ptsd at all – because if so, then the relevant people need to know just how much this arrangement is distressing you. and if you had support from someone they could help you put this forward to the people that need to know.
regardless of what that ex of yours thinks of you, and anyone else he has influenced – you matter & you are important. so if this situation is causing you pain, then hopefully you can do your very best to put a stop to it x
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