I can't sleep again, full of emotions

[Bridget Jones Is Free]

Full of anxiety and it comes from everywhere. I don’t even want to practice any calming method, mindfulness or anything, I want to write and stay awake till I feel sleepy again, whatever time that comes…
I will go back to bed in a minute and watch some more tv knowing the silent treatment will come again when he returns and I will watch my family behave as normal while I am in my own head thinking the worst things.

I can’t wait for the morning light.
I did practically nothing else all day today but look after my child, speaking and speaking and speaking, being called all day on the phone, on Skype.

Sorry, I better go back to bed and stay with my own thoughts. I bore everyone and even myself, I feel ashamed of myself and the heap of mess I am.

The highlight of tomorrow will only be the counsellor. I wish someone was living with me to witness what goes on and help me go through the next few weeks instead of being alone. I am always alone.

I wish I had stayed at the refuge.

[Malaya]

Hi, you don’t bore anyone, keep talking. Can you go back to the refuge?

Please don’t feel ashamed. You aren’t the one who is on the wrong here.

Can you secretly film anything? Are you keeping a log?

Sending you lots of love,

[Tuppance]

Hi Bridget JIF. Malaya is so right – you don’t bore anyone on here. Whilst you post your own difficulties you are also a fantastic support to so many of us in here.
Please try and get back to the refuge if you can. Keep records and notes. It’s all I can think of but we all know there is a better life for us that we deserve to have we just need to find that one thing ( bravery, the straw that breaks the camels back, words of wisdom that change things ) to get us out and I do hope you find it soon. You do not deserve this misery – none of us do and we only have one tiny life to live xxxx

[Author]

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