I can’t take much more

[Alwaysinthetub]

I hate my life, I honestly feel so low and pathetic.
We’ve just got back from holiday, a holiday I knew would be hell, and I wasn’t wrong.
As we landed and arrived at the gate, I asked my partner if I could stand due to cramp, (detail removed by moderator) Another passenger noticed what he had done and asked if I was ok, I felt so embarrassed and my partner just then sat back down in the seat and stared out of the window until we got off the aircraft. Whilst then waiting for the luggage I couldn’t stop the tears because my (detail removed by moderator) hurt so much, and he told me it was all my fault because I just don’t listen.
(detail removed by moderator) he’s financially controlled everything, I have to ask for money etc, and only once or twice has he pushed or kicked me, but this really shocked me, the look on his face as he (detail removed by moderator) broke me.
I feel pathetic, unlike some I’m not punched or beaten regularly, but I just don’t know who I am anymore, I don’t see family or friends, I work, clean, work clean and this is my life. My children are getting older now and my teenager had a lesson on coercion in relationships and has pleaded with me to leave, but I’m so frightened as I have no access to money of my own, no family I can go to, and I will have to leave with nothing. Everything is in his name, the mortgage etc, even though my salary pays for it all.
I can’t speak to anyone as he even visits the Drs with me.
Plus he’s loved by everyone so I just don’t think anyone would believe me, other than workmates who have witnessed his behaviour towards me in several occasions and then raised their concerns.
I just don’t know where to turn and I’m getting desperate, please, I just need to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

[Garden elf]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this . You must try and get some advice your life has more value than this . Have you searched local domestic abuse support charities in your area ? Speak to the NCDV .They will give you the advise you need – you can get a free hour with a solicitor on how to separate . You cannot continue to live like this . There is more support out there and a life to enjoy .

[Hereforhelp]

Alwaysinthetub, my heart breaks for you.. there’s online chat here on Women’s Aid, they are trained and won’t pressure you to do anything you don’t want to.

You are in a very abusive relationship and he will escalate. For now try to learn about Domestic abuse. You can do the Freedom programme for free online (if you have chance to, always make sure you aw safe).

Keep reaching out along here, you are not alone.
HFH ❤️

[Reallyconfused]

So sorry you are going through this. You are definitely not alone. We understand. It’s a reason why I refused to go on holiday for the first time this year. He was totally shocked. He just wanted to use me for company but it’s awful when I go.
He was still forcing me but I continued to refuse.

I understand abuse so much better now and am angry with myself for not seeing it before. But they are so clever and it chips away at our self belief.
If your salary pays for things including the mortgage make sure it is via a bank account so it can be proved.
I too had to ask (beg often) for money and my salary went into his account.
Speak to a women’s aid advisor. Speak to a solicitor and doctor if you can. You can email GPs and solicitors.
My GP wrote a letter for me and it gets noted on our record that we are in an abusive relationship. It’s important- in case anything worse happens.
My husband is amazing according to acquaintances. But he can’t sustain long term friendships because the real him comes through.
It’s a common theme.
There is a life out there. And hope and happiness.
Please find the courage to talk to someone trustworthy.
You will become stronger over time. You may not feel it but it will support you.
Please keep posting. The community here are amazing and listen without any judgement.

[ILoveCats]

That’s so awful, I hope you’re ok, please seek medical treatment if you need it. Also this is definitely physical abuse, you don’t need to be beaten regularly, even poking or pushing is considered assault.
You say no one will believe you but you mention your work friends, your teenage child and even another passenger on a plane have showed concern for you, I think more people would believe you than you realise, it’s probably because you’re self esteem has been crushed that you feel that way.
You are not pathetic, you are the victim of a nasty abusive person who is the only one to blame for his behaviour.
If you look at the topic for life after abuse then it might help you feel more hopeful.
Xx

[Alwaysinthetub]

I just want to say thank you for all of your kind words, I’ve read them on my morning commute. I’m exhausted men and physically and it’s having an effect on my physical health as I’m constantly picking up infections and colds.
I’m going to start speaking to someone because it’s just can’t carry on like this and my teenager picking up on his behaviour has really broken me, because they deserve so much more . Thank you for being there xx

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