I can’t tell him how I really feel

[Surfergirl]

So I’m in the process of getting ready for (detail removed by Moderator) (he sexually abused me and took it one step too far). (detail removed by Moderator) he rolled me over whilst I was asleep and moved me into a position so that I was hugging him, then he started kissing me on the lips all still whilst I’m asleep (well it woke me up yanking me around). Then because I was still asleep and not kissing him back he kept tapping me on the shoulder to wake me up. He started by saying he was sorry, I asked what for and he said for whatever he had done to make me not want him. He then asked if I found him boring and if I was still attracted to him, if there was anyone else I was attracted to. I feel like I am in a survival mode, just saying everything’s fine when really I am terrified of telling him how much hurt he’s caused and how wrong it is to keep moving me around in my sleep! I’m really struggling with sleep at the moment because I don’t know what’s going to happen or where my hands are going to be placed.

Theres been a few occasions where he manipulates the discussion to make you feel sorry for him, always blaming himself yet always getting defensive when you want him to change. He’s been overly flirty with another woman from work, I asked him about it and he responded like a stroppy teenanger saying “yes I did do that” as if he really didn’t care about the hurt it caused. He then accused me of cheating on him and said he didn’t care if I had, that we would work on it because he was going nowhere!

I haven’t got the courage to tell him what’s really wrong, he asked me if I love him and if I am in love with him (I’ve never understood this and how these are two different things) yet he didn’t tell me how he felt about me, just that he didn’t want to loose me. After I gave him a hug he was all happy as if nothing had ever happened.

Am I wrong for not trying to tell him how I feel? My feelings are always invalidated by him (he’s even made one line comments about my jobs to belittle what I do). I just can’t take it anymore!

[Hereforhelp]

Hi, he is changing the narrative and coercing you to go along with it…
He told you about flirting with someone else as that’s ok for him to do that but.. you are accused of cheating stating that he doesn’t care…he knows you have nit cheated, he knows it is him who is flirting and says it doesn’t matter if you do as he isn’t going anywhere…that’s so belittling for you and dismissive…I am so sad that he is treating you this way.

In my experience and from what I have learnt there’s no point telling him how you feel as he will invalidate your feelings..YOU know your feelings are valid..same as boundaries being put in place, we all have our own boundaries to jeep us feeling safe…if those boundaries are consistently broken it can be very confusing… you are entitles to your own boundaries of what is right and what isn’t right for you.

Abusers blame everyone else, they take no accountability or accept their behaviour is damaging.

Keep posting
HFH ❤️

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