i did it

[infantula]

I left him

I used the womens aid live chat and it gave me the confidence to leave. However now, i am riddled with guilt. He made me feel so terrible and like I am to blame, not for his behaviour but for our relationship ending. As if my behaviour was worse than his. I spent years putting up with things i shouldn’t have but the last couple months i have been more distant. He wanted me to say “i love you” first more often, and reassure him more often. I don’t think i am making sense. I just feel guilt.

[KIP.]

I felt guilty for two years but I had nothing to be guilty about. The very first time he abused me, he gave me permission to leave. Abusers are liars and manipulators. Do not carry his guilt for him because that means he won’t have to. You could have told him every sixty seconds that you loved him but it would still never have been enough. He would simply have moved the goal posts and kept abusing you. Do not believe a word he says. It’s verbal salad and lies. I used to call my ex  (detail removed by moderator) because of the ease he could get into my head. I found the book Healing From Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas really helpful x it will get easier with zero contact and time for your brain to unravel the abuse x

[Author]

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