I didn’t know it could be so great.

[Sunflowersunshine]

I got out of my abusive relationship and straight into a new one. Not the healthiest I’ll admit. It’s long distance I moved to get away from my ex physically. And it’s been really healthy and amazing. My new partner is soft and kind and understanding with me.

The thing that blows my mind more than anything is the joy I have with our more intimate moments. I didn’t realise you could feel happy and safe when having sex which is terrifying in retrospect. And I get triggered a lot by such intimacy because what I knew before what attrocious. And this new partner is just as soft and kind and understanding.

I was gaslit for years and I don’t think well about really obvious things. And I blame myself a lot even for things that other people do. And he’s really calm in explaining and reframing how O see things while also encouraging me to get legit medical help and treatment. I just didn’t realise there were such good people.

It still feels like I haven’t done anything to derserve such kindness and goodness and sheer peace and joy in my life. That’s really hard to come to grips with. But I’m really hopeful even just with my own self growth and development and it’s nice to have a partner who feels like they’re on my team.

[KIP.]

I’m happy for you but yes it’s not the healthiest thing to do. I just wanted to share that my emotions were extreme after leaving an abuser and it sounds to me like you’re caught in that extreme too. I’m not saying this guy isn’t great but your reaction to me sounds like you’re investing far too much too soon and leaving yourself open. Women’s aid recommend two years of recovery for very good reasons. I know how very vulnerable I was in the beginning so be careful and get to know yourself first x

[Sunflowersunshine]

So I should just end the relationship?
I don’t get it.
I get out and left something also. Why leave something that is good?

[KIP.]

Absolutely not. I’m not saying you should leave the relationship at all. Just that you should be mindful of the effects abuse can have on how you look at things. Take it slowly x and enjoy!

[ISOPeace]

I can’t speak from experience as I haven’t started dating since leaving, but from what I’ve read I think the general advice is to take things really slowly and make sure you know what red flags to look for. I think the idea is that if you dive right in, you’re more likely to miss red flags until it’s too late. Abusers often blind you with what seems like perfection and only show their true colours when they’ve hooked you in. If you take things slowly and set firm boundaries, you’re more likely to get an idea of how the other person responds to boundaries. It can be hard to know what your boundaries are if you’ve just come out of an abusive relationship. I’m sure others on here can give advice on how to do that in a new relationship. I think the key thing is to not allow yourself to get too invested in the relationship too soon and make sure you have a life for yourself out of the relationship. xxxx

[Author]

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