I don’t feel like a survivor

[Jango]

Hey there, I posted a ‘positive’ yesterday but most days remain full of ‘negatives’. My ex still has the power to trigger me, even though we have minimal contact and haven’t seen one another for (detail removed by moderator). It’s affecting my ability to think and work. Everything I have is tied up with him, including my home, and although we are going through a legal separation proceedings now, it’s taking a long time and costing me money I can ill afford. I’m struggling to come to terms with the way he ended our relationship, and how brutal he has been towards me. He knows that he has left me with nothing, and is trying to take away every last little thing. (detail removed by moderator). He continues to treat me as though I were the abuser and maintains that I am. His family and closest friends appear willing to back him up, even though they never got to know me. He has destroyed my reputation and will continue to do so. This affects my ability to work in the field I work in. He won’t be happy until I am in the gutter, pleading with him, and telling him that it was all my fault. And then, I know, he will walk away, happy.

[minimeerkat]

bless your heart. it can be absolutely exhausting dealing with an abusive ex at this point. many women have probably felt like giving up & giving in when they were going through all this
but try to stay strong & keep going
have you got a solicitor who is experienced in domestic abuse because honestly it really does make all the difference to have one with this knowledge – it also helps you feel supported & understood
dont lose faith because youre having bad days – as long as theres one or two good moments along the way its enough right now, because you are undergoing such a lot of stress as well as trying to deal with the effects of abuse
be really really kind to yourself
you will get there
thinking of you x

[Jango]

Thank you, Minimeerkat! I appreciate the advice and the encouragement. I’ve got a female solicitor but I don’t feel she understands me or is on my side. He is still making contact and attempting to explain why he can’t give me anything financially (which is a nonsense). I find myself weakening…if he were to turn around and apologise and say he would make it all okay I’m now not so sure I would refuse. Only, he won’t, as he is unable to apologise. I would have to do that for him and then it would be ‘okay’. Am not going there again, no matter how much I miss the good parts of him. Hard, when facing becoming homeless and struggling to build reputation and business again.

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